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100 Types of Single Friends

100 Types of Single Friends

By Ashley Brooke Roberts

We’ve all got one. Some have been like this since we first met, for other’s it’s just a phase. Whether you’re single or taken, you have that one solo friend who likes to wear their relationship status for the world to see, either it’s a badge of honor or a scarlet letter. Maybe they want to hang out, maybe they want to be alone, whatever their current stay of mind is, one thing is for certain: they are a free agent. We’ve dealt with a lot of single friends over the years (and have been one too), so we decided to compile a list of the top 100 types of single friends. In no particular order, here are our fave on-the-market buddies:

1. The Need-Nobody Pal
2. The Needy Gal
3. The Quirky Dude
4. Miss Waiting-for-Mr. Right
5. Mr. The One I Love Is Waiting for Mr. Right
6. Sir Video Games
7. Miss Read, Read, Read
8. Mr. Wait, Where Are You Guys Going?
9. Lisa Kudrow
10. The Musician
11. Miss Too Popular
12. Miss Awkward City
13. Miss New in Town
14. The Over-Worked Extracurricular Activities Friend
15. The Join My Improv Group! Guy
16. Mr. Sweatpants
17. Miss All Pink Everything
18. What Do You Mean Nobody Likes a Shaved Head?
19. The Girl with Five Cats and Four Birds
20. The Newly Single Friend
21. The Forever Single Pal
22. Taylor Swift
23. Sadly, No Social Skills
24. Mr. Farts-a-Lot
25. Miss Takes Everything Super Seriously
26. Your Ex. You Stayed Friends for Some Reason You Can’t Remember
27. Oops! Forgot Deodorant Again!
28. The All Sports All the Time Friend
29. The Loner
30. Princess Treat Me Like a Princess
31. The Trouble Maker
32. The Rule Follower
33. The Trouble Follower
34. The Rule Maker
35. The Gossip
36. Mr. Math
37. Miss Body Builder
38. The Science Queen
39. Mr. TV Is Better
40. The Social Drop Out
41. Miss Too Busy Organizing a Protest
42. Miss Really Into Hanging Out with My Family Every Night
43. Miss “I like the bad ones”
44. Mr. “I am one of the bad ones”
45. Well, I Really Should Do My Homework
46. Boys Scare Me
47. Girls Scare Me
48. I Am Just Scared in General
49. Eh, Dating Seems Boring
50. Dating is Too Important to Just do Randomly
51. I SAID I JUST WANT TO BE FRIENDS
52. Micheal Cera
53. Yeah, I Work at the Carnival
54. Not Ready for a Relationship
55. Mr. Perpetually Broken Hearted
56. Miss Heart Breaker
57. The One Who's Still Obsessed with Twilight
58. All I Need is a Cat in One Hand and a Warm Glass of Milk in the Other
59. That Was Nonsense
60. No it Wasn’t! Think About it
61. I Truly Can Not Relate to You
62. But You Are Me!
63. Silly Socks Guy
64. Pig Tails Since 2nd Grade Girl
65. Going Through a Period of Silence
66. Going Through a Period of No Physical Contact
67. Going Through a Period of Thinking They’re a Couch
68. I’d Rather Discuss Time Travel
69. I Don’t Have a Phone
70. I Have Six Brothers Who Will Come After You
71. I’m in Love with My BFF’s BF
72. I’m in Love with My BFF
73. I’m in Love with Myself
74. Mr. Ladies Like Snakes, Right?
75. Miss I Am Attracted to Everyone
76. Mr. I’m On The Fence About it All
77. Want to Play Chess with my Grandpa? Like Every Night?
78. Miss in Charge
79. Mr. Competitive
80. Mr. Peanuts
81. Miss I’m Getting Out of this Town!
82. The Queen of the Mall
83. The King of the Mini-Golf Course
84. A Lifeguard Pledges Their Lives to Pool Safety
85. Que? I’m Still Learning English
86. Sir Really into his Treehouse
87. Boys? GROSS.
88. Girls? ICK!
89. Mr. My Parents Are Divorced and I'm Always at Dad's
90. Miss I Dunno, What Do You Wanna Do?
91. Mr. Nose Picker
92. We’re Not Actually Friends
93. I Am A Computer
94. But Why Don’t You Like Me?????
95. Geez, Can We Talk About Something Else?
96. You Always Say That
97. Miss The Grass is Always Greener
98. Mr. I am Allergic to Grass
99. Miss Let Me Read You My Poems
100. Mr. What Did You Say? Sorry I Wasn’t Listening.

What’s your favorite type of single friend?

Topics: Life
Tags: friendships, breakups, friends, lists, 100 lists, single friends

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About the Author
Ashley Brooke Roberts

Ashley Brooke Roberts is a stand-up comedian, writer, and actor living in Brooklyn. She's a performer at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theater and can usually be found smiling at random dogs on the street. Follow her on twitter at @AshleyBRoberts.

Wanna contact a writer or editor? Email contribute@sparknotes.com.