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11 Fictional Characters You Shouldn't Invite to Your Birthday Party

11 Fictional Characters You Shouldn't Invite to Your Birthday Party

By Elodie

So you're reviewing your birthday party guest list, and you're thinking, "This is great, but you know what it needs? More fictional characters." Right? We've all been there. But it's hard, because the fictional universe is littered with the likes of these potential party-ruiners:

1. Severus Snape. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for Snape letting loose and trying to start a Harlem shake with a lampshade over his head. But instead of embracing his inner "raging party dude who wants to settle a score with the pinata" persona, he'd probably default to "that weird guy in the corner who's hovering around the snacks and glowering."

2. Holden Caulfield. I'm pretty sure he'd just bum everybody out.

3. Jay Gatsby. Sure, the guy knows how to throw a good party. But it's your birthday party, and the last thing you want is some love-struck businessman showing up and turning your shindig into a metaphor for disillusionment and superficiality. (Also, the sheer number of phonies in his entourage would probably kill Holden.)

4. Spock. The illogical hilarity of Truth or Dare (or rather, Tell Me Who You Like or Lick This Object) would be entirely lost on Spock.

5. Samara from The Ring. I'm just going to go ahead and make this a blanket category under which falls all supernatural and/or evil little kids from movies. I mean, there are a ton of things that can ruin a party, and possessed demon-children are at least half of them.

6. Voldemort. This is probably a given, considering most people would prefer it if their birthday parties weren't transformed into a war that will decide the fate of the entire wizarding world. But I can picture an appealing scenario in which Voldemort goes slightly overboard on the cupcakes and Butterbeer. He and Snape then commiserate in the corner with other partygoers about world domination and unrequited love, respectively. There's much crying (Snape and Gatsby) and a fair amount of plotting (Voldy and Samara). It would almost be worth inviting him just for that, but the pros (Voldemort with frosting face) are ultimately outweighed by the cons (death and doom for all).

7. Bella Swan. We all remember what happened at the last birthday party she went to.

8. Bruce Banner. Though he'd probably do a pretty good job on the pinata Snape gave up on, the stress of musical chairs would eventually cast a sinister pall over the party when Bruce Hulks out and tears the roof off the place.

9. Dolores Umbridge. Mostly because she's terrible and I'm certain even Voldemort would vote to have her uninvited.

10. Helen of Troy. One minute you're slicing the cake and opening presents, and the next a thousand ships are launching because of Helen's face, and Voldemort is conspiring in the chaos, and Bella is confused because this situation doesn't revolve around her.

11. Abigail Williams from The Crucible. Because it's all fun and games until someone's accused of cavorting with the devil and summarily burned at the stake.

Which fictional character would you never invite to your birthday party? Who would you LOVE to invite?

Topics: Books, Life
Tags: books we love, funny things, birthday parties, fictional characters, severus snape, funny lists, characters we love, jay gatsby

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About the Author
Elodie

Writer. College student. Good at losing her keys, eating breakfast sandwiches, and holding lifelong grudges. She realizes none of these things will help her survive a zombie apocalypse, and she’s made her peace with that. You can follow her on Twitter @elleohdee, but it’s just going to be a lot of complaining.

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