BEHOLD, CAT BEARDING!!!
No to be confused with the ancient Egyptian art of cat bearding, in which Pharoahs would Photoshop (the word "Photoshop" translates roughly to "actually build" in ancient-speak) their favorite cat onto their body for a lulz to last all eternity, "nouveau cat bearding" is the biggest thing since owling, milking, planking, and the dawn of time. There are two key ingredients: A cat that looks like a beard, and imminent world peace as we all stop to waste time together.
We love that it's an egalitarian craze, available to anyone with a computer, camera, cat, and unwavering belief that the internet will save us all. You could have a pituitary gland the size of a sesame seed or the size of a Furby, it matters not! Because you will not be growing a beard, you will be (gently) grafting your dearest feline friend onto your beardal region for the delight of your fellow Sparklers. The process is fairly simple:
- Set up a webcam.
- Take down your Suite Life of Zack and Cody poster.
- Turn your webcam on.
- Tape catfood onto your chin.*
- Call out, "Here, beardy beardy beardy beardy."
- Pretend you don't care whether your cat comes when you call, therein entering its game of passive-aggressive avoidance/teasing.
- Grab your cat gently, and encourage it to look to the sky while you mask the lower half of your face with its head region.
- CAPTURE THE MOMENT FOR ALL TIME WITH YOUR RECORDING DEVICE.
- Thank your cat.
- Upload the image. Be a winner at internet memes.**
*Merely a serving suggestion.
**The picture above is beyond Photoshopped, in that I have a unicorn horn and am on Jupiter (photo left), but I am a winner because I have taken the meme to the next level by creating a Human Moustache on my dog (photo right).
WE WANT YOUR CAT BEARD PICS! Submit your Gandalfs, Hagrids and Seneca Cranes to firstname.lastname@example.org by Friday, March 31 ***UPDATE: WE MEAN MAY 31! We will share the best cat beards here on SparkLife. YES, WE WILL ACCEPT DOG BEARDS, TOO! We are an equal opportunity pet bearder. Please, no big cat beards.
What do you think of cat bearding?