I have this friend who has a HUUGEE crush on my boyfriend. And she plans on telling him that she likes him, even though she knows that I'm dating him.
The problem is that my boyfriend had a crush on her before and I'm just crazily worried that he'll dump me for her. I've asked my friends for help but they all say that he loves me and won't leave me.
This friend of mine keeps telling me how much she likes him even though she know that I like him too. I try to just shrug it off and act nice to her, but sometimes it just gets on my nerves. Now, after two years of crushing after him (or so she says), she is going to finally confess her love to him. Great timing, don't you think? I feel that she is trying to ruin our relationship.
Am I being too paranoid here? What should I do to avoid being jealous of her? How do I react around her? I don't want to be a mean person but how can I get her to know that he is my boyfriend and that she shouldn't try to pull a move on him? What's the worst thing that could happen?
The worst thing? Oh, man. The worst thing that could happen is definitely as follows: that a massive solar flare incinerates all life on earth, that civilization as we know it comes to an end, and worst of all, that it happens before this season's final episode of "Game of Thrones" so we never even find out whether Joffrey Baratheon gets torn to pieces by a herd of ravening Westerosian wildebeests as he so justly deserves.
...Oh, but the second-worst thing that could happen—as I think we both know—is this: your friend confesses her love to your boyfriend, your boyfriend responds in kind, and the two of them ride off into the sunset together while you cry into a bag of Cheetos.
And that would be awful, for sure, albeit unlikely. But whether or not your boyfriend leaves hinges on just one thing: his choice. Your friend, and her behavior, is irrelevant to your relationship. If your boyfriend wants to be with you, he'll be with you — and he'll tell any would-be suitors, including ones he might have crushed on once upon a time, to buzz off.
So, the bad news: you have no control, here. Your friend will do whatever she does, and your boyfriend will react however he chooses, and you will trust him and hope for the best. (As do we all, because such is the nature of relationships.)
The good news is, your lack of influence in this matter frees you up to consider the things you can control... like, say, how much time you spend with a "friend" who has such blatant disregard for you, your happiness, and your relationship. And also, how you communicate with your boyfriend, who seems to be the one person you haven't discussed this with—even though he's the one person who can definitively tell you whether or not you should even be worried.
You can tell your friend, "I'm not interested in spending time with someone who actively tries to undermine my relationship." You can tell your boyfriend, "My friend is planning to confess her love for you, and it's seriously freaking me out." And you can tell yourself that if saying these things costs you a relationship, then it wasn't worth having to begin with.
Because when you don't do that, you allow your fear of being dumped to keep you from being honest, to keep you in close proximity to toxic people, and to keep you from having the kind of confidence—in your relationship, and in yourself—that makes a girl who wants your boyfriend look like a sad person to be pitied, instead of a threat to be feared. And actually, that's the worst thing that could happen. Don't let it.
Has a friend ever gone after your SO like this? Tell us in the comments! And to get advice from Auntie, email her at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Want more info about how this column works? Check out the Auntie SparkNotes FAQ.