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Stocking Your Sparkler Apocalypse Go Bag

Stocking Your Sparkler Apocalypse Go Bag

Imagine it’s the end of the world. Zombies, global warming, meteors, velociraptors—anything could cause it. But however the apocalypse goes down, it’s basically guaranteed that Sparklers are going to make it out alive. All of those Walking Dead, Doctor Who, and Supernatural marathons (plus our badass brains and unbreakable bonds of friendship) and have pretty much made us impervious to Armageddon.

Part of surviving the apocalypse means being ready for anything, including leaving at a moment's notice. The universe isn’t going to get on the PA system to inform you that robots have overtaken civilization, so it’s definitely in your favor to have a bag packed and ready to go (think a sturdy but cute backpack with lots of shoulder padding). The perfect Sparkler apocalypse go bag should be stocked with the following necessities:

Machete: Way more portable than a bow and arrow and significantly quieter than any gun, the machete is a multi-purpose tool that can serve as a close combat weapon and hunting/farming tool. It’s also really good at cutting things.

Rope: With rope you can tie knots, lasso things, hang stuff, keep things together, pull things apart, tie things down, and drag things behind you…the options are basically endless!

Duct tape: When in doubt, duct-tape that shizz.

Dry shampoo: It’s very likely you’ll be going days without a shower, and nothing can make you feel more grungy and downtrodden than a mass of greasy, dirty hair.

Mirrored aviator sunglasses: So you can look like a badass when walking away from explosions. Also useful if you need a reflective surface to start a fire or temporarily blind an enemy.

Snacks: You will at some point need to eat.

Bikini: There’s always a chance of impromptu swimming, and you’ll need to sun yourself a bit to prevent rickets.

Batteries: In the new world order, economics will be reduced to the barter system and batteries will become a highly sought after commodity. Pack a few AA and D batteries and you’ll be golden to trade for things you may find more useful.

Towel: If The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy taught me anything, it’s that towels are dead useful. Besides being good at drying things, towels can also be used as blankets, to create bundles, and be fashioned into rudimentary clothing.

Floss: The end of the world is no excuse to slack on oral hygiene.

Thermos: A good thermos will take you far. You can hold all sorts of things in it ,and it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold.

More snacks: Just in case the snacks from before run out.

Extra Socks: To prevent trench foot. Also, there’s nothing nicer than slipping into fresh, dry socks after tramping around.

Water Bottle and Iodine Tablets: The most practical things I can think of. Clean drinking water may be hard to come by.

Rubix Cube: The Rubix cube is almost infinitely entertaining and frustrating. Even if it’s not your favorite toy, you’ll still want something to play with, especially because the wi-fi will probably be out.

The Entire Harry Potter Series (on a solar-powered Nook): Do you really need an explanation for this one?

What would be in your apocalypse go bag?

Topics: Life
Tags: guides, zombies, survival skills, funny things, the apocalypse, tips, survival kits

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Shivani is a blogger and college student living in Miami, Florida. She’s usually rocking a serious topknot and always trying to realize her life’s ambition of getting her own reality show.

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