Search Menu

Auntie SparkNotes: I'm Wildly Attracted To An Older Dude

Auntie SparkNotes: I'm Wildly Attracted To An Older Dude

Most Wonderful Auntie,

I started a new job as a waitress a little over a month ago, and I met a guy called “Mitchell.”

I have never, ever, ever been so incredibly physically attracted to someone in my entire life. Basically, whenever I’m around him, I all I can think about is doing the HND with him. I’m actually starting to annoy myself. The things is, I really don’t understand this insane attraction I’m feeling. He doesn’t look like the kind of guy I usually go for, and he doesn’t have the personality I’d normally go for, either. And there’s another problem, too: he’s 37. And I’m 18. (Neither he nor I really look our ages, though. Most people at work think I’m at least 25, and he looks to be about 29 or 30.)

Anyway, not only is there a huge age gap, but I also have no idea what his relationship status is, or if I want to actually date him. I mean, he’s really cool and has always been nice to me, but I don’t know if it would be too weird (and I don’t even know if he has any feelings towards me whatsoever). It’s not like I just walk over to him and say, “Hey. You know what I’d really like to do after a long, hard day at work? YOU.” I just have this crazy attraction towards him that simply won’t go away.

What do I do Auntie? Should I ignore the feelings and try and stay away from him? Should I pursue him and just see what happens? Or is the age gap too big (to be honest, the numbers weird me out a little bit)? Is it normal to feel this kind of attraction towards someone?

What should you do? Dude. You're an adult! You can do whatever you want!


[vanishes in a cloud of glitter]

...Okay, just kidding. But honestly, Sparkler, once you dispense with "Am I normal?!" and "Is this okay?!", all you've really got here is a totally boring, totally generic case of two age-discrepant but consenting adults who just happen to be blessed with a pants-incinerating level of physical chemistry.

Which, y'know, sometimes happens. Because biology! Basically, looks and personality and birth year aside, Mitchell just happens to ooze your ultimate personal preferred brand of pheromone musk. And it's entirely normal, entirely natural, and entirely up to you whether you want to pursue your attraction to its logical conclusion.

As for whether you should, that's your call; I'm not in the business of telling adult ladies, who are perfectly capable of making these decisions for themselves, whom they should or shouldn't get busy with. So if you decide you want to go for it, and if you feel comfortable about the implications thereof, and if you can handle the possibility of still having to politely take his order should things not work out, and if you are completely and totally positive that this attraction is not a manifestation of some older-dude daddy issues you should really be working on in therapy, then... well, hey, you are your own master. (Just start by checking his left hand for marriage-related hardware and/or casually asking if he's got someone, with the agreement that if you see a ring, or if you see a tan line indicating the recent presence of a ring, or if he appears to be hedging about his single-or-not status, then you'll abort mission.)

Considering the dynamic at play, he should pick up what you're putting down without much effort on your part. (And of course, you can always do the thing that all waitresses do when they want to date a customer and scrawl your phone number on the top of his check.) Just be aware: even if you're cool with the idea, there's still a chance that he won't be, which means—on top of everything else—that you'll have to be prepared to graciously take no for an answer.

And if you're not comfortable—with the age difference, with the possibility of rejection, with the even more likely possibility of things working out until they don't and you still have to feed the guy cheeseburgers—then hey, that's fine, too! And you just enjoy that tingly feeling for what it is: a lovely, fun, gift from the universe that lets you know your gonads are in total working order. Hooray!

? Tell us in the comments! And to get advice from Auntie, email her at
Want more info about how this column works? Check out the Auntie SparkNotes FAQ.

Topics: Advice
Tags: auntie sparknotes, jobs, dating, crushes, advice, older men

Write your own comment!

About the Author

Kat Rosenfield is a writer, illustrator, advice columnist, YA author, and enthusiastic licker of that plastic liner that comes inside a box of Cheez-Its. She loves zombies and cats. She hates zombie cats. Follow her on Twitter or Tumblr @katrosenfield.

Wanna contact a writer or editor? Email