You there. Yep, you: you’re bad on the phone. Oh, but you love the phone! You could chat on the phone all the live-long day! Okay, but nodding “yes” and shaking your head “no”? They can’t see you, honey. Don’t want more pen pals? Here are eleven wee clues your phone flair might need some improvement.
1. You're fond of beginning conversations by shouting "EXPECTO PATRONUMMMMMM!"
2. You grip your phone walkie-talkie style.
3. Look out, world: you’ve nearly memorized your own phone number!
4.You’ve been told you’re bad on the phone. By a dozen people. In person. At an intervention.
5. You’re renowned across time zones for your mid-convo chin dials and cheek disconnects.
6. Your favorite expression is “mmm,” which can do “yes,” “no,” “I understand and sympathize,” “I disagree,” “this cookie is tasty,” and “I am delighted by the doodle I’ve got going on here.”
7. Your mom learned to text explicitly to avoid having to communicate with you by phone.
8. You can actually hear people quietly put the phone down and wander away. That's okay. You continue to talk until they return.
9. You are frequently asked to just cease breathing entirely.
10. You get tangled up in your phone’s cord. Because your phone still has a cord.
11. You know what they say: bringing someone into the bathroom with you is only awkward if you tell them you’re doing it. Hands free, indeed.
Are you terrible on the phone?