Author, comedian, actor, and probable sword fighter, Avery Monsen is a modern day Renaissance Man. Let's start with "author," though, since alphabetically speaking, that comes first. For those of you who believe "actor" is alphabetically superior to "author, " nice try. U is obviously superior to C, and I refuse to believe otherwise. I'll be posting a new alphabet next week so until then just stay clear of using any letters, okay?
Avery is the co-author of a plethora of hilariously entertaining humor books.
Love New York? Hate New York? How about a book for all of us who feel indifferent about the big city? I Feel Relatively Neutral About New York has us covered. A book that dedicates a page to good ol' fashioned pizza humor is a book that my eyeballs will certainly befriend.
Lucky for us, Avery agreed to participate in our "Twitter-View," in which we discussed kickball, pirates, and of course hamsters named Rascal. Enjoy!
@Joshsorokach: Thanks for chatting! Okay, so the world is on the line in a winner-take-all game of kickball and you have the first pick. Who do you choose?
@Joshsorokach: Good news/bad news. Pelé's alive, but he's 72 years young. Hopefully he's got a few more kicks in those old legs—our lives depend on it!
@Joshsorokach: I'm hoping your training montage is a lot like this.
@Joshsorokach: 2. You’re applying for a freelance job looking for a “sarcastic yet loveable detective.” What's the first line of your cover letter?
@Averymonsen: Dust for fingerprints?! I don't know HOW to dust for fingerprints! IT'S TOO HARD!
@Averymonsen: Is it clear that I'm being sarcastic? Dusting for fingerprints is relatively easy.
@Averymonsen: Also, do you offer health insurance?
@Joshsorokach: I'd add you to my "phone interview" pile. You showed gumption & an ability to follow directions. Both important in the crime fighting game.
@Joshsorokach: 3. You're at a party and overly self-aware about sounding pretentious. How would you introduce yourself to the host as an award-winning author?
@Averymonsen: Oh, I almost never tell people I'm an author. It comes off as self-aggrandizing and weird.
@Averymonsen: Instead, I pay strangers to come to parties with me and ask for my autograph. That works way better.
@Joshsorokach: 4. As the author of All My Friends Are Dead, how would you break the news to a 45-year-old lawyer that his pet hamster “Rascal” died?
@Averymonsen: Rascal just got a subpoena from St. Peter. I know this because, in addition to being an award-winning author, I'm also a veterinarian.
@Joshsorokach: Poor Rascal. Off to run on that big hamster wheel in the sky. Do you think if you really set your mind to it you could win an Olympic medal?
@Averymonsen: Only if I was competing in a team sport and only if my team included old man Pelé.
@Joshsorokach: You are really hitching your wagon to the Pelé express. Best of luck in bringing home the Bobsledding gold in the 2018 Olympic games.
@Joshsorokach: If a TV Exec came to you and said, "Avery, we want you to create a new show titled Jake Dynamite: Kid Pirate, what would you pitch?
@Averymonsen: It's a tale as old as time: Kid finds an eye patch in his attic. Puts it on. BOOM! He's transported to 1718 aboard the Queen Anne's Revenge.
@Averymonsen: How will he get home? How did he get there in the first place? Why are there polar bears on the ship? We'll figure that out as we go.
@Joshsorokach: In all sincerity, I could 100% see that series on Nickelodeon. Followed by the "Are pirates suitable entertainment for children?" backlash!
@Joshsorokach: Finally, I'll paypal you $20 if you can correctly predict my rankings of the 6 friends from the television series, Friends. Best to worst.
@Averymonsen: Jeez. Okay, here goes. (Keep in mind: I NEED this money.) Chandler, Joey, Phoebe, Rachel, Monica, Ross.
@Joshsorokach: I always enjoyed Ross' antics, so I have him ranked higher than most. The correct response: Chandler, Ross, Monica, Rachel, Joey, Phoebe.
@Averymonsen: Man, I didn't do so great. We still had fun, though, didn't we? Also, can I borrow 20 bucks?
Did anyone predict the correct answer to my Friends trivia question? Who's your first pick in the winner-take-all kickball game? The Rock, right? Are you as excited as I am to watch the first episode of Jake Dynamite: Kid Pirate?