Skip over navigation

7 Ridiculous Questions: A Twitter-View with Author Avery Monsen

7 Ridiculous Questions: A Twitter-View with Author Avery Monsen

By Josh Sorokach

B&N.com

Author, comedian, actor, and probable sword fighter, Avery Monsen is a modern day Renaissance Man. Let's start with "author," though, since alphabetically speaking, that comes first. For those of you who believe "actor" is alphabetically superior to "author, " nice try. U is obviously superior to C, and I refuse to believe otherwise. I'll be posting a new alphabet next week so until then just stay clear of using any letters, okay?

Avery is the co-author of a plethora of hilariously entertaining humor books.

All My Friends Are Dead/All My Friends Are Still Dead: These perfect coffee table books double as outstanding conversation starters for any social gathering. Well, maybe not funerals.

Love New York? Hate New York? How about a book for all of us who feel indifferent about the big city? I Feel Relatively Neutral About New York has us covered. A book that dedicates a page to good ol' fashioned pizza humor is a book that my eyeballs will certainly befriend.

In addition to writing, Avery also appeared in one of the funniest 30 Rock segments of all time.

Lucky for us, Avery agreed to participate in our "Twitter-View," in which we discussed kickball, pirates, and of course hamsters named Rascal. Enjoy!

@Joshsorokach: Thanks for chatting! Okay, so the world is on the line in a winner-take-all game of kickball and you have the first pick. Who do you choose?

@Averymonsen: Is Pelé still alive? Coaxing him out of retirement would make a KILLER montage. If not, I guess I'd settle for the ghost of Pelé.

@Joshsorokach: Good news/bad news. Pelé's alive, but he's 72 years young. Hopefully he's got a few more kicks in those old legs—our lives depend on it!

@Joshsorokach: I'm hoping your training montage is a lot like this.

@Joshsorokach: 2. You’re applying for a freelance job looking for a “sarcastic yet loveable detective.” What's the first line of your cover letter?

@Averymonsen: Dust for fingerprints?! I don't know HOW to dust for fingerprints! IT'S TOO HARD!

@Averymonsen: Is it clear that I'm being sarcastic? Dusting for fingerprints is relatively easy.

@Averymonsen: Also, do you offer health insurance?

@Joshsorokach: I'd add you to my "phone interview" pile. You showed gumption & an ability to follow directions. Both important in the crime fighting game.

@Joshsorokach: 3. You're at a party and overly self-aware about sounding pretentious. How would you introduce yourself to the host as an award-winning author?

@Averymonsen: Oh, I almost never tell people I'm an author. It comes off as self-aggrandizing and weird.

@Averymonsen: Instead, I pay strangers to come to parties with me and ask for my autograph. That works way better.

@Joshsorokach: 4. As the author of All My Friends Are Dead, how would you break the news to a 45-year-old lawyer that his pet hamster “Rascal” died?

@Averymonsen: Rascal just got a subpoena from St. Peter. I know this because, in addition to being an award-winning author, I'm also a veterinarian.

@Joshsorokach: Poor Rascal. Off to run on that big hamster wheel in the sky. Do you think if you really set your mind to it you could win an Olympic medal?

@Averymonsen: Only if I was competing in a team sport and only if my team included old man Pelé.

@Joshsorokach: You are really hitching your wagon to the Pelé express. Best of luck in bringing home the Bobsledding gold in the 2018 Olympic games.

@Joshsorokach: If a TV Exec came to you and said, "Avery, we want you to create a new show titled Jake Dynamite: Kid Pirate, what would you pitch?

@Averymonsen: It's a tale as old as time: Kid finds an eye patch in his attic. Puts it on. BOOM! He's transported to 1718 aboard the Queen Anne's Revenge.

@Averymonsen: How will he get home? How did he get there in the first place? Why are there polar bears on the ship? We'll figure that out as we go.

@Joshsorokach: In all sincerity, I could 100% see that series on Nickelodeon. Followed by the "Are pirates suitable entertainment for children?" backlash!

@Joshsorokach: Finally, I'll paypal you $20 if you can correctly predict my rankings of the 6 friends from the television series, Friends. Best to worst.

@Averymonsen: Jeez. Okay, here goes. (Keep in mind: I NEED this money.) Chandler, Joey, Phoebe, Rachel, Monica, Ross.

@Joshsorokach: I always enjoyed Ross' antics, so I have him ranked higher than most. The correct response: Chandler, Ross, Monica, Rachel, Joey, Phoebe.

@Averymonsen: Man, I didn't do so great. We still had fun, though, didn't we? Also, can I borrow 20 bucks?

Did anyone predict the correct answer to my Friends trivia question? Who's your first pick in the winner-take-all kickball game? The Rock, right? Are you as excited as I am to watch the first episode of Jake Dynamite: Kid Pirate?

Topics: Life, The Internets
Tags: twitter, funny things, author interviews, twitter-views, 7 ridiculous questions, authors we love, avery monsen

Write your own comment!


Write your own comment!


About the Author
Josh Sorokach

Josh Sorokach is a comedy writer living in New York City. He's a former American Idol winner, three time Olympian, and habitual liar. Follow him on twitter @Joshsorokach.

Wanna contact a writer or editor? Email contribute@sparknotes.com.

From Our Partners