PROM HAIR UPDO GUIDE! A Masterpiece of Modern Cinema by Chelsea Dagger
HULLO, MY DARLING PROM-GOING SPARKLEBUTTS! What you are about to witness/suffer through is a video that I made on my very own, using naught but my astoundingly sub-par iMovie skills, the hair that grows out of my large, sweaty head, and several thousand bobby pins. In it, I come off as a rather blurry (albeit handsome!), deep-voiced dude (this filming technique is called "realism"), and I also give you approximately 0 pieces of helpful advice. BUT, I do demonstrate my signature dance move for roughly .8 seconds, so that should make the other 459 torturous seconds totally worth it. AND NOW, PREPARE TO BASK IN THE WARM, COMFORTING GLOW OF MY ENORMOUS MOON-PIE FACE AND HORRIFICALLY AWKWARD ON-CAMERA PRESENCE.
Well, if you're sobbing right now, or choking on a bobby pin, or vomiting into your collectible Harry Potter wizard hat, you CAN'T SAY I DIDN'T WARN YOU. How are you wearing your hair to SparkLife Prom? Do you still love me even after watching this video? WILL SOMEONE PLEASE, PLEASE DANCE WITH ME?! I PROMISE NOT TO SAY "WINGARDIUM LEVIOSA" EVER AGAIN.