For years I've been saying the same thing to anyone who will listen: we as a society need MORE adult proms. Someone explain to me the current dearth in recreational adult dancing. Also, after you're done, explain to me if I used the word "dearth" correctly. The only time an adult may legally dance is at a wedding—and between all the crying and stealing a substantial yet inconspicuous amount of fancy silverware, who has the time to truly enjoy the art of the dance? Not me. I got a pocket full of knives to contend with! So listen up, business types with money, we need to create some sort of adult prom themed business... PRONTO.
Not to pat myself on the back, but I believe I've created the greatest collection of prom songs ever assembled. It's basically like The Avengers of music. Enjoy the "Josh Sorokach Prom Playlist Spectacular!"
The beginning of your prom night is basically a lot of, "Wow, you look great, Jeremy" and "I just love your dress, Denise." Honestly, I'm not a fan of Denise's dress, but she's always quick to lend a pencil and I respect that. Why rock the boat, ya know? The mood music is basically just background noise until everyone's comfortable enough to dance.
Slow Dance 1:
You're going to notice a trend with the slow songs, I'm going with the classics. Is I Don't Wanna Miss a Thing cheesy? You bet. As cheesy as a Wisconsin simile. But this song was made for the prom. Actually, it was made for the movie Armageddon, but it found a home as a classic slow dance song.
Raise the Roof 1:
Let's kick this prom into the next zone! The danger zone. Not dangerous as in "physical harm awaits those who enter," dangerous as in "it's finally time to breakout those killer dance moves your Aunt Donna secretly taught you in your basement!"
Slow Dance 2/3:
This is the time of night where you gaze lovingly into your partner's eyes and say, "Honey, I'm gonna hit the bathroom; I had a little too much punch. BRB." Ah, young love. Enjoy two of my favorite slow songs back-to-back.
Raise the Roof 2 (Sing-Along Songs)
Other than the final song, the first song after consecutive slow songs is the most important song of the night. Energy's low and emotions are high, so you'll need a universally popular song that will instantly galvanize the party. This year there's really only one acceptable option: Thrift Shop.
Slow Dance 4:
A beautiful and criminally underrated love song.
Raise the Roof 3:
If you've been holding back a super, secret dance move THIS is the time to break it out. The Bus Driver, the Carlton, the Harlem Shake, don't hold back! Leave it all out there on the dance floor! In prom terms: there is no tomorrow!
Slow Dance 5:
The unofficial winner of the, "I'm not crying; I just have something in my eye" award.
Slow Dance 6 (Last Song):
What songs would you include on your "Perfect Prom" mix?