Before the summer flowers can officially bloom, before the pools can open, and before you can finally bust out that neon orange tank top, you must suffer the grave injustice that is finals. We sympathize with you—nothing is worse than the last minute panic and sheer terror associated with final exams, but we know you'll come out on top. How are you going to survive? We’ve got some ideas—and don’t worry, you won’t be tested on this material!
1. Start studying now! That way, once finals week rolls around, all you’ll need to do is leisurely review the material over your breakfast before acing the big tests.
2. Avoid studying with your gabby friend—how you supposed to memorize all those AP Euro dates if she never shuts the hell up? She just wants to study at Barnes & Noble so she can drool over that college-aged barista she has no chance with anyways.
3. Flirt with that barista and make him give you lots and lots of free coffee. That will shut Gabby the fork up.
4. Take up smoking candy cigarettes to take the edge off.
5. Remind yourself to take notes next year instead of drawing elaborate hamburgers in your notebook.
6. See if you can get a nice friend to lend you her notes and be prepared to buy her lunch for her generosity.
8. If you’re nervous about those freakin’ cumulative tests, try eating the pages of your textbook in the hopes that your body and brain will absorb the information.
9. Instead of setting up shop in your bed to study, find a nice neat desk to do your serious work at. The good news is that the desk can double as your coffin if you don’t make it. JK. You will. We hope.
10. Use highlighters so you can call out the information you need to come back to. If your whole Chemistry book is covered in yellow ink, we recommend switching to a new color for your English studying just to keep things fresh.
11. Talk to your doctor and see it it’s possible to “hook you up” with intravenous coffee throughout finals week.
12. Build a fort. Don’t come out until summer.
13. Sleep any time you get the chance. In cars, chairs, while waiting in lines, at the dinner table, on the toilet, maybe even in your bed. Sometimes it’s the extra ZZZ’s, not the extra time with your books, that really help you get the A’s. Or the C+s. Whateves.
14. Get the answers tattooed on your butt—and your wrists, thighs, palms, and other various appendages.
15. Dream up a reward for yourself to get once you pass your tests. Whether it’s a hot racerback top for the summer, a new bike to enjoy your freedom, or a giant eggroll, having that goal in mind will keep you focused on succeeding.
16. Stuff your face. Your stress levels tend to minimize when you're shoving sugary goodness, like Oreos, Rice Krispy Treats, and Nutty Bars in your mouth. Salty snacks like Cheez-Its and Pringles are perfect because you can literally pop them every six seconds. Watching your carbs? Just lick all the flavor dust off the Doritos as you study for that anatomy test.
17. Teach your teachers how to Dougie and see if that gets you anywhere.
18. Try relaxing in between study sessions. See if you can convince a girlfriend to go to yoga class or at least take a study break that doesn’t involve a nervous breakdown on your bathroom floor.
19. Form a Facebook study group. That way, you can prep for AP Calc WHILE stalking your crush's profile! It's a win-win.
20. When in doubt, C your way out on those multiple-choice tests. It works every time—sometimes. Kind of. OK, not really.
How do you cope with finals week? What do you to make sure you succeed and don't need to repeat the 10th grade? Help out your fellow Sparklers!