He seemed so handsome and sweet from afar, over there in that there other town. Going to prom with him was supposed to be SUCH a good idea—the pictures were to be amazing, and your future babies were to be many.
But maybe you didn’t know your date as well as you thought you did. Maybe the threat of fancy footwear and pants with buttons turned him into an unsalvageable jerk. Maybe she actually DID drive her homecoming dance date clinically insane. As the night wears on, you find yourself overcome with an unnamed dread: What was I thinking? Who is this person? Am I at the prom with a total monster?
Are you wondering whether there mightn’t be a few clues that you’re at the prom with a total monster? Because there are a few clues.
1. When you try to coordinate what time he’ll pick you up, he asks if he can “just meet you guys there”
2. She emailed you a week in advance with a choreographed dance itinerary and the subject line “Re: PRACTICE HARD OR FAIL HARD”
3. He introduces you as his “wingman” or his “second-round pick.”
4. When you tell him you’re feeling chilly, he points at his blazer and says, “Ha! Yeah! Not me!”
5. He pulls up in a convertible. Like your hair and makeup just did aaaall this to itself. For free.
6. She reminds you not to “read too much into this.”
7. When you ask if he’s going to be talking like Bane all night, he says, “Indeed a wager is a wager, Batman!”
8. He lets you know that you look great and that it’s time to go by honking in time to the radio from the end of your driveway.
9. When slow dances begin, he asks if you “got this” and then wanders off.
10. She responds to your gut-wrenching crush confession during the last dance with “That’s what she said!”
Is your prom date showing any signs of being a cold-hearted monster?