Today, on the Day of Earth, we propose a new way of recycling. Sure, going through aluminum and plastics and sorting them into respective containers can certainly help the environment, but it’s also incredibly tedious. You can recycle by your own terms—don’t let the man tell you how to recycle. Unless you consider us a man. Which you shouldn’t. Most of the writing staff is female; it’s just inaccurate. But, if for some misguided reason, you think the friendly staff here at SparkLife is the man, then please take our cue and try out these creative ways to repurpose your everyday trash.
-Take your used tissues and stuff them into pillowcases. Voila! Instant pillow! When friends sleep over they can use this one, because, let’s be honest, Jenny drools, and you don’t want her messing up your nice pillow cases anyway.
-Make wind chimes out of chicken bones. This way neighborhood dogs won’t eat and choke on them, and you can turn your front stoop into a traumatizing hell-patio for any solicitors.
-Make dresses out of used paper towels. They’re more durable than you’d think, and you’ll never have to worry about your sister borrowing them. Mix and match different spills to create a pattern.
-Turn old pizza boxes into a pizza suit of armor. Use 4 large pizza boxes for the plating on the torso, small pizza boxes for your shoulders and knees, 4 breadstick boxes for your limbs, and a medium pizza box for your helmet. The people will call you Sir Hand-Tossed, and you will protect them from both dragons, and, uh, I don’t know … calzones.
-Stuff your old coats and pants full of straw, put a gourd on top, and stick the whole thing on a pole for a makeshift scarecrow. This will protect your bountiful cornfields.
-Turn old sneakers into planters for flowers, and weave old flowers together into shoes—it’s the circle of life!
-Turn all your old papers and homework into a nice bonfire. Heck, do it with current assignments, too, and all your schoolbooks, clothes, phones, and shoes. Starting today, we’re all living in the woods. Off the grid. Try and find us, government!
-Take any broken glass and pour it into an old sock—now it’s a weapon to ward off intruders. Next time someone comes to your house to take your TV or sell you cookies, give ‘em a taste of Ol’ Socky McHurt-Pain.
-Fast food bags wrapped up with some tape can make quick and easy boxing gloves. Just be sure to stuff them full of trash and uneaten burgers!
-Used up cans of hairspray can be tied together at the ends to make sweet nunchucks. These can also be used to ward off intruders. On a side note: why do you have so many intruders? Do you own a lot of gold or something? Try being less showy about it.
-Instead of throwing out old food, take it and hide it behind the couch in the living room. After a week it will start to rot, and the smell will be so bad it will make your mom super mad. Um. Not sure where to go from here. But hey, at least it’s serving another purpose.
-Take used glass bottles, fill them halfway with water to provide some balance, and then stick a candle in the top. Visitors will be impressed at your makeshift candleholders, or, alternately, worried about how much wine your parents drink.
-Don’t throw away all your old swords; melt them together into some kind of iron throne. Make your neighbors swear allegiance to you, and swear a blood vow to conquer the seven kingdoms.
-Got an old flat screen television that works fine but you simply don’t want anymore? Send it to us! Seriously, we’ll take TVs. Only if it’s nice though. Like … really nice. We ain’t takin’ no bum TV. Same applies for smart phones and cakes. Just give us stuff. And, if for some reason after this article is published SparkNotes comes into a surplus of televisions and it causes a bunch of problems, I hereby take no responsibility for it whatsoever.
Got any other tips and tricks to recycle creatively? Tell us! We are interested!