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Auntie SparkNotes: What If Something Pops Up During Makeouts?

Auntie SparkNotes: What If Something Pops Up During Makeouts?

By kat_rosenfield

Hey there Auntie,

I'm pretty sure you haven't covered this topic before, and I hope I'm not the only awkward teenage girl thinking about this.

See I'm NBK, but I plan on going out with someone at some point in my life and I need a bit of advice. After two people go out for a while they make out... and during the making out I've heard it's common for um... guys to get, like it was written in a previous post... badgers. So what should an inexperienced girl do when a guy's badger, you know, pops up while they are kissing and they don't feel like going past first base? I would be flattered, of course, but I need advice. Should us awkward girls ignore it and keep kissing? And if we ignore the badger, what happens when we stop making out? I really am confused and don't want to be an insensitive jerk if my future boyfriend gets a badger. Please help me out Auntie, there are a lot of articles written to help guys out, but I can't be the only uncomfortable one.

Meanwhile, I can't decide if substituting the word "badger" for "boner" was the best or worst idea I've ever had. But since we're already here, let's go with it! (And if you're wondering where all this badgering began, behold the magnificent origin post.)

And for our confused Sparkler, let's just get this out of the way: the hypothetical badgers of your hypothetical boyfriend are, first and foremost, nothing to be uncomfortable about. Guys can't help getting them; they're a reflex, and sometimes, they pop up for reasons completely unrelated to sexy thoughts or feelings. And since a certain level of comfort with human biology is a necessary prerequisite for being intimate with someone, being understanding and okay about that is more or less required if you want to be smooching with dudes.

Or in other words, if the prospect of encountering a badger in the wild is terrifying to you, you probably aren't ready to date just yet.

Meanwhile, when a figurative badger appears during your makeout, the correct protocol is more or less the same as if a literal badger appeared during your makeout: if it's not bothering anyone (and doesn't appear to have rabies), your best bet is to just ignore it, stay silent, and keep on kissing as though nothing happened... at least until or unless your relationship reaches a point at which you and your boyfriend mutually agree that it's okay for you to, y'know, pet the badger.

As for what happens when you stop making out, chances are good that the badger will vanish on its own once things calm down a bit (or if it doesn't, that your partner will take the badger home and... um, choke it to death. If you get my meaning.). But, again, that's not your problem. Any boy you find yourself in cahoots with will be perfectly able to deal, on his own, with the ins and outs of his body parts. And all you need to supply in response is some maturity, some understanding, and a reminder as needed that whatever anxiety you might feel about getting frisky with a new guy, badgers are the last thing you have to worry about.

Got something to say about badgers? You know what to do. And to get advice from Auntie, email her at advice@sparknotes.com.

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Topics: Advice
Tags: auntie sparknotes, dating, advice, making out, nbk, badgers

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About the Author
kat_rosenfield

Kat Rosenfield is a writer, illustrator, advice columnist, YA author, and enthusiastic licker of that plastic liner that comes inside a box of Cheez-Its. She loves zombies and cats. She hates zombie cats. Follow her on Twitter or Tumblr @katrosenfield.

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