Awkward Situations That Really Deserve Their Own Books
Awkward situations are the great universal equalizer. Take Zac Efron, for instance. He's beautiful. Charming. Hilarious. His hair is like a perfectly coiffed testament to human endurance. So what does he have in common with someone like me? (I spill things a lot and I can't dance. Nice to meet you.) Well, we've both found ourselves embroiled in the tangle of an awkward situation. Granted, he mostly charmed his way out of it while I made mine ten times worse just by default, but at least the universe doesn't discriminate. Obviously, awkward situations are pretty standard. So why haven't these books been written yet? Somebody get on this, stat.
I'm Sorry I Just Sneezed on You, Will You Still Date Me?
Word Vomit: A Tragic Tale
How to Trip Going Up the Stairs and Cause a Hallway Hold-Up (in Just Four Easy Steps! Two if You’re a Natural!)
On the Road: You Hit the Curb Trying to Parallel Park and Everyone Saw It
Final Exams, Funerals, and Other Situations During Which Your Stomach Will Decide to Growl Like It’s Trying to Start a Riot
The Girl With a Stain on Her Shirt and a Class Presentation in Five Minutes
As I Lay Here Dying (Probably, Because I Just Tripped and No One’s Helping Me Up)
E-mailing the Wrong Attachment: I Sent You a Scumbag Steve Meme Instead of My Resume, Will You Still Hire Me?
An Abundance of Embarrassing Songs on Your iPod (and Trying to Explain Them)
I Didn’t Hear You the First Four Times, So Now I’m Just Going to Laugh and Hope it Wasn't Something Serious
Forgetting Someone’s Name Like a Champion: My Autobiography
Showing Friends Pictures on Your Phone (and Having Way Too Many Selfies)
When Autocorrect Doesn’t Even Know What You Were Trying to Do There, and It’s Just Kind of a Personal Defeat
Memoirs of a Person Who Was Listening to Ear Buds That Weren’t Plugged in All the Way (You Were Rocking Out to One Direction, and Now Everyone Knows It)
Spitting on Somebody While You’re Talking: To Acknowledge, or Not to Acknowledge?
A Tale of Two People Who Both Tried to Go the Same Way and Are Now Trapped in That Awkward Hallway Tango
Who Put That Pole There?
I Had a 50-50 Chance and I Chose Wrong: The Push/Pull Door Dilemma
A Series of Unfortunate Events (a.k.a. My First Kiss)
How to Slip on the Ice and Take Four Other People Down with You
How to Almost Slip on the Ice and Accept the Slew of Horrified Facial Expressions You Must Now Own Up To
Job Interviews, First Dates, and 400 Other Situations in Which You’ll Probably Have Something on Your Face
I’m Not Creepy, I Swear: Saving Face After You’ve Accidentally Liked the Picture of Someone You Were Facebook Stalking
Stranger in a Strange Land (I Got Off the Bus at the Wrong Stop, Where the Hell Am I Now?)
Asking the Person in the Next Stall for Toilet Paper
(And its sequel: I'm Just Going to Wait for You to Turn on the Hand Dryer, and Then I'll Pee)
How to Walk Your Dog and Make Sure They Poop in Someone's Yard While the Person is Watching
Divine Comedy (Otherwise Known as My Driver's Test)
The Absolutely True Diary of a Student Who Just Called His Teacher 'Mom'
War and Peace: The Standoff Between You and That Other Car That Really Wants the Parking Spot
There you have it. Now, can someone make with the writing and actually do some of these? I accidentally just liked a photo of my crush skiing, and I'd very much like to know where I go from here.
We will pay you all so many doughnuts if you start writing these books, Sparkledweebs. WE NEED THEM IN OUR LIVES.