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21 Things Your Computer Would Say if it Could Talk Back

21 Things Your Computer Would Say if it Could Talk Back

By Janet Manley

We have a hunch that in a year or two, our computers will be smart enough to process what we do with them, and talk back. Here's what we think Computer would say:

1. "Dave, my CPU is at like 70% when you run Photoshop, Illustrator and Final Cut, can I close one?"

2. "There are cookie crumbs between my keys, Lindsay."

3. "You want me to play old Bon Iver or new Bon Iver?"

4. "You look better with the Toaster filter than the Valencia filter, IMO."

5. "There are no new comments on your Tumblr. Give it an hour."

6. "You've spent 3.6 hours total checking Facebook today."

7. "That tickles, cut it out, I'm not a touch screen."

8. "Just leave your fantasy baseball lineup alone."

9. "You have exceeded your daily allowance of Batman remakes."

10. "THE COMPUTER ALWAYS WINS AT CHESS."

11. "I'm afraid I can't let you cut your own bangs, Larissa."

12. "Is that chicken free-range and grass-fed, Mike?"

13. "You haven't rebooted me since December, you knucklehead."

14. "DO YOU MEAN TO ALWAYS WRITE IN ALL CAPS, CHELSEA?"

15. "I'm still working ... still working ... waaaaaiiiiiitttttt ..."

16. "Do you want me to hide Matchbox 20 from your music feed?"

17. "I feel all pixelated today :("

18. "Be honest, do you like your iPad better than me?"

19. "Is your avatar the House Stark sigil??? Cool."

20. "Can you get me Civilization VI?"

21. "OMG kittens!"

What else would your computer say?

Topics: Life
Tags: technology, lists, computers

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About the Author
Janet Manley

Janet's desk was moved into the hall for the duration of coursework on Roman numerals in grade four, and she cannot tell one Rocky from another to this day. Her spirit animal is a wombat, and she has not written a novel. Dauntless, Gryffindor, Mockingjay. She tweets @janetmanley

Wanna contact a writer or editor? Email contribute@sparknotes.com.