Being in love is great. People think you’ve gotten a haircut even when you haven't, and each time you write, “Mr. and Mrs. Your Crush’s Last Name Or Your Own If You’re A Dude Or A Righteous Lady” on a piece of paper, it counts as 3 minutes of cardio. Love repels mosquitoes. It motivates the reluctant to floss. And science is still struggling to bottle the blithe batcrap insanity that love hands out for free.
The only thing better than being in love AT someone is being in love WITH someone! Yeah! But that next step is the trickyone, isn’t it? Maybe you’ve been friends for ages, or maybe you’re moderately confident they don’t think you suck—but no matter the circumstances, it’s a huge risk. So how do you safely inform your crush of their responsibilities re: your impending double date with a bottomless fry basket at Chili's? You get them to ask you out without them realizing that it wasn’t their idea, that’s how! *Cue Inception gong noise NOW.*
The Information Drop.
Don’t ask, inform. Inform your crush of your intended whereabouts. Plan something you know they would enjoy doing, and then throw it out there like bait. “I’ll be at the skeeball tournament on Tuesday” is too obvious. Just make the information available: “Oh crap, the trig test is Wednesday? I have passes Tuesday night to see Such and Such or So and So. I’m going to be exhausted, but I don’t even care. [I am a carefree baller, join me.]” Make the drop and let your crush do the rest.
Provide a well-defined problem, and then let your brilliant crush deduce the only possible solution: to ask you out. Don’t say, “Want to see a movie with me?” say, “You know who I can never see a movie with again? So and So. They’re always [arson verbing] their [flammable noun].” Don’t say, “Want to go to lunch together?” say, “I completely forgot my lunch. And yours was stolen. This place is cursed. We better not stay here another minute.”
Some have mistaken The Default for The Stalking. Not so: The Default takes more planning and more acting. What? Your crush plays tennis? You also started taking instruction regarding tennis, and everyone is hungry and angry after tennis, so let’s get ice cream! Your crush volunteers on the weekend? SO, TOO, DO YOU. IT’S JUST SO WEIRD. The reason this works is because the fancy-meeting-you-here circumstances are unusual enough to be special (it’s not, say, gym class), but they aren’t so bizarre that you are indeed Le Stalking. (“Your pillow? Weird, this is my pillow too!”)
Get assigned to a major school project together. Ideally it should be a group of three so that you have a buffer-wingman (so long as the third wheel isn’t shinier than you). It’s going to be daunting: you’ll have to get together in school, after school, you might see their HOME… by the time it’s done, you’ll have spent so much time together that you’ll be common law in like three states. All three of you.
The most direct of the indirect routes—you know you want to ask, but for whatever reason you just can’t launch. So commission an emissary to do the deed you cannot—or better yet, send an emissary to send an emissary. If it goes to poo, you can always claim ignorance. Works for the mafia!
Is Laura crazy, or crazy like a FOX?! Because these actually seem like pretty good ideas to us. Would you try any of them to get your crush to ask you out?