17 Signs You're a Bad Kisser
It’s safe to say that most of us overestimate our kissing skills and assume we must be good at it, since we’re so freakin' good at everything else (like math, soccer,and writing witty emails). But truly great kissing is somewhat complicated, and it's a talent that the majority of us were not innately gifted with. You’ll know if you’re a good kisser, because those suckers will just keep coming back for more. But if you’re a bad kisser, you might not immediately realize it. Here are a few telltale signs to look out for; if any of them seem eerily familiar, it’s time to step up your game, practice on a platonic friends (or pillow pet), and make sure to always have some gum in your back pocket.
1. You first learned your kissing moves on a rainy afternoon—and your French bulldog Larry was your teacher.
2. After a co-ed game of “Truth or Dare,” all the guys at school start calling you Lizard, even though your name is Angela. Your lunch table posse then informs your that the name comes from your habit of flicking your tongue all over dudes' faces.
3. More than one guy has asked if you would please switch from kissing his mouth to gently tapping his shoulder, because "it's way hotter.”
4. Your boyfriend wants to “just stick to hugging” until Prom.
5. When you lean in to kiss your grandma, she turns to give you her cheek.
6. For Valentine’s Day, your boyfriend (and even a few of your girlfriends) gave you travel-sized mouthwash for your backpack.
7. Your boyfriend frequently inquires about the main ingredients of your diet, asking how much garlic your mom cooks with and if she adds onion to all of your meals, including breakfast.
8. The first thing a guy generally does after kissing you is wipe his mouth off with his hand and then look for the nearest exit.
9. The only way you can get your boyfriend to treat you to a movie make-out session is if you pay for tickets to the newest action film you have absolutely no interest in.
10. Your lips are so dry, you can actually hear them cracking like a bowl of Rice Krispies.
11. After kissing a few guys, you decide that a little post-smooch-fest vomiting must be normal.
12. The first place a guy goes after kissing you is either to a bathroom or the school psychologist.
13. Your last boyfriend started calling your mouth "Jail" and decided a 3-month sentence was long enough.
14. You once asked your boyfriend what kissing you was like and he compared it to a visit to his dentist, Dr. Hamburgler. (He preferred Dr. Hamburgler.)
15. You like to kiss with your top retainer in, because you feel it makes your technique more memorable.
16. Your latest boyfriend asked to kiss you near a garden hose, "just in case" the rumors were true.
17. When your mom caught you practicing kissing on your pillow, she thought you were having a nervous breakdown and trying to puncture it with your teeth.
Do you consider yourself a good kisser? If so, why? What skills do you have to share with our newbie ksisers who are just finding their way?