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25 Signs You're Way Too Obsessed With The Library

25 Signs You're Way Too Obsessed With The Library

By Lauren Passell

You think you love the library. That's great. But how do you know if you love it a little too much? If your obsession has gone a little too far? If you can say yes to more than five of these behaviors below, you might want to check into a clinic of some sort. You can find one by looking it up at your local library.

  1. If you see someone new, you feel obligated to approach them and welcome them (= find out if their library intentions are genuine).
  2. You thought you might becoming asthmatic, but you realized that your body is having more and more difficulty adjusting to the air in non-library locations.
  3. Food is banned in the library, but the librarians allow you to eat because they know otherwise, you’d starve.
  4. You had to celebrate New Year’s Eve with one of the librarians, because you didn’t know where else to go.
  5. You’ve read every single book there, and now you’re on round two.
  6. You are unable to use a non “library voice” anymore, even at sporting events or when you’re trying to warn your mom that she’s about to be hit by a runaway stroller.
  7. Everyone knows not to sit in the armchair by the big globe, because that is your armchair by the big globe, and the last girl that sat in the armchair by the big globe ended up having to leave the school for “complications in adjusting to school life.” (It’s a long story.)
  8. When you have a few minutes of free time, you’re known to go help the librarians check out books, just for fun.
  9. If a book is ever put back in the wrong place, something stirs inside of you, instinctually, and like a mama bear to her cub, you protectively find it and save its life, shelving it in the right place.
  10. If you find the person who put the book back in the wrong place, like a mama bear, you attack.
  11. You fart on all the chairs to claim your territory. It works.
  12. The school renamed the library after you, and the old alum who actually donated $25 million for it is pretty confused but after a brief explanation from the librarians, understands and agrees that you rule.
  13. You have an app on your phone that tells you the weather in the library, even though you happen to know that it is always a little cloudy, never raining, and a pretty consistent, comfortable 64.2 degrees, except on Thursday mornings for some reason and at night when it's a tad warmer but its still super cozy.
  14. The librarians thought you came with the library.
  15. There is a rumor going around that you were there first, and they built the library around you.
  16. Nobody can tell if you're on vacation or studying, because when you take a vacation, you go straight to the library. (You wear your tankini/trunks underneath your clothes.)
  17. You have already arranged with the school to have graduation insidethey had no choice. They knew that, as mayor of the library, you had a responsibility to be there at all times.
  18. People called you “Library Face” for two years but your feelings weren't hurt.
  19. The next two years they called you “Shakespeare Face” because you used a large edition with embossed writing as a pillow and after sleeping on it, it created a permanent mark.
  20. You went as the library for Halloween.
  21. You often get phone calls from your friends that start out “I’m going to the library next week, do you have any tips about how to beat the crowds and make the most out of my stay?”
  22. You have your favorite “lyrics” from the card catalogue tattooed on your back.
  23. You had your library card surgically sewn into your finger so all you have to do is point fabulously at the front desk when you enter. (On rare occasions when you leave.)
  24. You are reading this in a library right now.
  25. You don’t have a problem. You can totally stop whenever you want to.

How much time do you spend in the library? What did we leave out?

Topics: Life
Tags: sparklers, books, lists, libraries, addictions

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