So there have been tons of posts on why people LIKE Sparklife. Here is my post on why I hate it.
1. I never get my homework done. The articles are just so addicting, so wonderful, that I never get my homework done. Thanks a lot, Sparknotes.
2. My sides hurt. Come on! Every time I get on here my sides start hurting really, really bad because I laugh too much. Get it together, people. If you keep making me laugh, I'm going to explode.
3. I get taught totally useful, life-saving lessons. It's like those little kids shows where at the end, you learn something. I hate learning stuff. I mean, I know everything already! And Auntie Sparknotes has to go and show me up every day. Not cool.
4. The Sparklers are just so awesome that they overpower my own awesome level. But because I hang out with them, I then get even awesomer. And I don't need someone else's awesomeness! I've got enough of my own! STOP MAKING ME SEEM SO AWESOMELY NOT AWESOME!!!
5. I can't tell when people are being sarcastic. Unlike everywhere else on the internet, I can't tell when people are employing sarcasm. It's obvious in other places. Here, it makes no sense. Sure would be nice if someone would actually invent a sarcasm eyeball or something.
6. Everyone is so friendly. It makes my little grinchy heart melt. I DON'T WANT MY HEART TO MELT!!!
7. And above all, it makes my fingers hurt. I spend so much time on this place that my fingers get blisters. Even my finger blisters get blisters! This website needs to come equipped with little finger band aids before they pop right off my hands.
So this is why I hate Sparklife. It makes me laugh too much, people are too friendly, and it's hurting my grade. Stupid Sparklife.
Eh, who am I kidding? Someone slap some sense into me with the Punishment Salmon. I love Sparklife!
Originally published on March 29, 2013.