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The Worst Fashion Trends My Owner and Her Friends Wear

The Worst Fashion Trends My Owner and Her Friends Wear

By Sparky

While my old lady feeds, pets and sleeps with me on a day-to-day basis. I’ve got to tell you that she and her friends sometimes look downright strange. I don’t know what it is about fashion these days and young women. From what I can tell, you’re all missing the mark, BARK, BARK. Like when my owner wears hipster glasses she doesn’t even need to correct her vision. What is up with that? While my old lady was out shopping one Saturday for more ugly stuff with her friends (she really needs to start saving for my retirement), I came up with a list of my least favorite fashion trends. I wish her and her friends would listen to me—I have very good taste and a discerning palate for only the finest steak flavored chew bones.

Statement sunglasses. The girl always has a ton of sunglasses all over the place, choosing one obnoxious pair for each day. Her sunglasses are always oversized and make her look like the bug-eyed flies that swarm around my dog run in the back. She has all kinds of colors, and while I prefer the blacks and tortoise shell tones, the bolder the color the better. She is now “into” white and red frames right now, and I think that makes her look like a wonky cartoon character with a CRAZED face.

Leather Dress. A couple of weeks ago, she came home with a bag that smelled like dinner and sent my tail wagging. Before I could get my nose in it, she picked it up and brought it to her room to try on. She came out in a short, red leather dress that she had spent a small fortune on. Apparently, this is what she calls "her thing" now. The poor girl could barely move in the dress, it was hard for her to sit on the couch. She looked she was stuffed into a sausage casing (with Ketchup), which made me like her more, but for only a second. Then, she wouldn’t let me sit on her lap. Think she was scared I’d like to take a bite out of it. She wasn’t wrong.

Neon clothes. I don’t understand why anyone would want to wear dayglow green leggings to walk around the neighborhood. Is she trying to stop traffic or just blind the other people on the street? When the other dogs pass us, they giv me a stupid smile.

Huge purses. My girl loves to carry a bag big enough for a dead body. She is a bit disorganized, so she just throws everything into it, including all of her sunglasses for each day of the week, Luna Bars, wallets, keys and tons of tampons. She just brought a bag from Target with a bright colored floral pattern. She said graphics are "in." I  admit I wouldn’t hate it as much if she would just carry ME in the dang bag.

Uggs. She wears these styleless boots in the winter when she takes me on walks. I’m sometimes embarrassed to be seen with her, even though these supposedly keep her warm. I personally think she needs something more waterproof so that she’s not complaining about her wet feet for the remaining couple blocks on our measly walk for the day.

Shorts with Tights. Sometimes, she likes to take a pair of her summer shorts and pair black tights with them, for what she calls a “faux fall” look. Maybe if she didn’t spend an entire paycheck on a red dress I’ve seen her wear once, she’d be able to afford a few pairs of jeans. Jeans are classic, and I don’t even mind when she makes me wear the little knock-off ones she bought me at Petsmart.

What fashion trends bug you? AGREE WITH ME OR DIE.

Topics: Fashion
Tags: annoying things, lists, april 1, april fool's, sparky, sparky the dog

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