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13 Things We Can't Believe Exist

13 Things We Can't Believe Exist

By Anthony DeVito

Pop tarts! Soccer! Fox News! Here's a list of things we can't believe exist!

1. Nicole Elizabeth "Snooki" Polizzi, we just can't believe there's a woman whose that intelligent and that beautiful at the same time. And, as an added bonus, her skin is same color as a carrot. She should be on Mount Rushmore.

2. An era when there wasn't frozen yogurt readily available at all times. Can you believe we used to live in a world without a Pinkberry or 16 Handles on every street corner?  We don't even know what we did before then... maybe we ate ice cream?

3. Beyonce, a Grammy award winning musician, the wife of Jay Z and the lead actress of Austin Powers in Goldmember. The world hasn't seen this much talent come from one woman since Snooki.

4. Beyonce's body, the world hasn't seen this much beauty come from one woman since Snooki.

5. Happy vegans, I only know two, my friend Taylor and his wife, but nonetheless, they're real people and they live in Boston.

6. Jack in the Box's "Bacon Milkshake," for that person who is so tired of dipping their morning bacon in milk and ice cream. This milkshake is proof alone that terrorists will never win.

7. Crocs, they're like cargo shorts for your feet... and a surefire way to stay NBK. :/

8. Racism. Um, it's been long enough already. Let's put an end to hatred and bigotry.

9. Lay's potato chip flavors. Recently Lay's unveiled some brand new ones including "Chicken n' Waffles," "Siracha," and "Cheesy Garlic Bread." At the moment, the owl from Wise brand potato chips has never looked so wise.

10. Long Island Medium—the TLC reality show based on a woman named Theresa Caputo, a Long Island native who claims to have the ability to communicate with the dead. Unfortunately, there's no word on whether the courts will allow her to communicate with her kids.

11. GI Joe: Retaliation, the movie itself looks decent, but its amazing a sequel was made to what was possibly the worst major movie ever released, its predecessor, GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra. Anytime you think to yourself "Is this going to be a bad movie?" Have a second question, "Are Marlon Wayans, Channing Tatum, and Dennis Quaid all going to be in it at the same time?" If the answer is yes, just walk away.

12. Miley Cyrus' Twitter feed, the only thing more confusing and erratic is Taylor Swift's love life. Cyrus once tweeted, "For all the people calling me the ‘next Britney’ THANK U. I couldn't ask for a better compliment. :)" And we couldn't ask for a better tweet, thanks Miley.

13. Adele's voice. The UK born singer has such a beautiful voice, it single handedly makes up for Russell Brand.

Topics: Life
Tags: horrible things, lists, gross things, crazy things, weird stuff

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About the Author
Anthony DeVito

Anthony DeVito is a NYC based comic. Originally from New Jersey, he was featured as one of the "New Faces" at the 2012 Montreal Just for Laughs Festival, recently taped a Gotham Comedy Live on AXS TV, performed at the 2013 Bridgetown Comedy Festival and 2013 SF Sketchfest, and is also the former host of "Say What?!" on the NOC TV. You can follow him on Twitter @anthonydevito_

Wanna contact a writer or editor? Email contribute@sparknotes.com.