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Auntie SparkNotes: My Crush's Friends Think I'm Not Hot Enough For her

Auntie SparkNotes: My Crush's Friends Think I'm Not Hot Enough For her

Dear Auntie Sparknotes,

So by an obscenely yet wonderfully crazy stroke of luck, this amazing girl that I've liked for years likes me back and told me so herself. I didn't have much time to talk to her after she told me but I was planning on asking her out soon after, just in case she suddenly remembers that she's out of my league and stops liking me (just kidding... mostly).

Buuuuut, of course, there's the problem. The next day, I started hearing about what her friends think of me, and it was kind of embarrassing.

I know that I'm chubby and not the greatest looking but I didn't realize that would be a problem if the girl liked me back. Her friends, however, recently starting telling her that she shouldn't go out with me because of how not-great-looking I look and as much as I like this girl (REALLY like her), I don't want her to be embarrassed of me if we were to start dating. Is it still okay to ask her out? I don't think she's lost interest in me since her friends started saying that stuff about my appearance, but I really don't want her to feel bad.

Due to the backlog of letters in my inbox, this one sat for a good three weeks before I got to it... which means that more than anything, I'm hoping that you and this girl are a good three weeks into the best and sweetest and most romantic relationship ever and not in need of advice at all! (And also, possibly, that her nasty little friends have all gotten their karmic comeuppance and are now covered head to toe in warts, preferably enormous green ones with little curly hairs growing out of their centers.)

But if you're still waffling—and oh, man, I hope you're not—then for the love of all that is holy, Sparkler, ASK HER OUT. Do it! Do it now! Because I don't care if you're cross-eyed, buck-toothed, or shaped like a large, lumpy bag of suet: you deserve love and happiness just as much as the next guy. And if this girl's friends think you're not hot enough for her, then that doesn't make you undesirable or unworthy; it makes them total asshats.

Which, by the way, is a conclusion I'm a little concerned that you didn't reach immediately on your own. I don't know where you learned to value the opinion of a bunch of shallow teenage douchebags over your own best interests, but darling, you'd better unlearn it—because while there's nothing about being chubby and average-looking that makes you inherently undateable, a lack of basic self-respect is anathema to romance. Nobody's going to love you if you think you're not worthy of love. And when someone characterizes you as a fugly, undateable embarrassment, the appropriate response is not to wonder if that person might have a point; it's to politely invite him to go f*** himself.

Meanwhile, give your crush some credit for being a better person than her friends (I assume you wouldn't like her if she were a similarly superficial butthead), and for having the integrity to deal with them accordingly. Her admission that she likes you is the most direct invitation you'll ever get to date someone, and you'll never have a better shot at happiness than with a person who tells you, straight-up, that she digs you. All you have to do is believe that you deserve it.

Have you ever dated someone whose friends didn't approve? Tell us in the comments! And to get advice from Auntie, email her at

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Topics: Advice
Tags: auntie sparknotes, dating, crushes, frenemies, advice, jerks, manklers

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About the Author

Kat Rosenfield is a writer, illustrator, advice columnist, YA author, and enthusiastic licker of that plastic liner that comes inside a box of Cheez-Its. She loves zombies and cats. She hates zombie cats. Follow her on Twitter or Tumblr @katrosenfield.

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