If you’re still mourning the loss of 30 Rock, rejoice: Your lord and savior Tina Fey is back, and this time it’s with Paul Rudd(!) in a major motion picture. We saw it early and, though it’s tempting to just speculate about what smart, hilarious babies Ruddey would spawn, we decided to bring you some practical life advice instead. In Admission, Tina plays a Princeton admissions officer who takes a chance on an unlikely candidate, so here are some tips for all you college applicants gleaned right from the movie. If they don’t get you accepted into every university, Tina and Paul will personally teach you Microeconomics 101 and 102! (We’re just kidding. It’s Intro to Cartography. Online only.)
- Don’t bother the tour guide; they can’t help you.
- If you manage to snag an alumni interview, don’t hyper-analyze all their questions. “Tell me why you belong at Princeton”? Sure, choose your words carefully there. But “Tell me a little about yourself”? Don’t ask if it’s in relation to your soul or you as a center of gravity.
- Being Inuit helps your chances. So work on that.
- Having a vengeance-themed personal essay might actually be a bonus.
- Your parent really isn’t going to help your case by being aggressive.
- Wishing rectal cancer on the admissions officers won’t make them reconsider their decision.
- If you can swing it, try to time your application submission to the precise moment your admission officer’s boyfriend leaves her for a horrible Virginia Woolf scholar. She’ll be more open-minded then.
Are you seeing Admission this weekend?