Allow me to introduce you to the next big thing in young adult literature. DC Pierson's new novel, Crap Kingdom. It tells the story of Tom Parking, an average high school student with a "Wednesday-night kind of life" who also just happens to be the CHOSEN ONE of a secret magical kingdom. Perfect, right? Not exactly because well, it's a crap kingdom.
Let's get this out of the way right now: Crap Kingdom is funny. I'm talking "spewing chocolate milk out of your nose" funny. Crap Kingdom subverts the traditional "unlikely hero" fantasy story by creating a world that effortlessly combines supernatural elements with the everyday trials and tribulations of being a teenager. Pierson captures the universal uncertainty of adolescence in a such a hilariously astute manner that you start to believe that this story could happen to you and your friends. It's a refreshing novel that combines humor, teenage angst, and mystical intrigue into one fun, addicting story. If you don't read this book today, YOU'RE a Kingdom of Crap!
No you're not. I'm sorry; I'm just excited because I'm about to share a "Twitter-View" I conducted with the author of Crap Kingdom, DC Pierson. What's a "Twitter-View"? Why, it's an interview conducted on Twitter, of course! C'mon Sparklers, you're better than that. Take a lap. We'll wait. I said...we. will. wait.
Everybody back? Awesome. Since our "7 Ridiculous Questions" interviews are done through Twitter, the answers are limited to 140 characters. DC Pierson was kind enough to answer 7 of the most important questions we secretly stored in our aptly named "Important Questions" vault. Here is the interview:
@Joshsorokach: Thanks for taking the time to chat! Which of the four Ninja Turtles (or Splinter) do you most relate to?
@Joshsorokach: I'd watch a Donatello/Egon crossover buddy movie. Question two. What would you name this dog?
@DCpierson: Mickey Rourke.
@DCpierson: I mean, right? Doesn't he have that bemused, punch-drunk late state Mickey Rourke vibe? Drop this dog into Iron Man 2 and it works. It works.
@Joshsorokach: 100% agree. He has the soulful eyes of someone who's seen too much. I'm of course talking about both Mickey Rourke & Dog Mickey Rourke.
@DCpierson: My friend Gregor's dog Wiley inspired a creature in my novel. Unrelated, but related: the dog has the EXACT same eyes as Jeremy Renner.
@Joshsorokach: Question three. You're applying for a job as a freelance detective, what's the first line of your cover letter?
@DCpierson: Trouble: I don't look for it. But in my line of work, or rather, the line of work I am seeking a position in, it finds me. Plus I can type.
@Joshsorokach: At the very least that gets you a phone interview. Also, that seems like a perfect opening line to a film noir.
@Joshsorokach: You're granted the ability to read minds when conversing w/ the opposite sex, BUT if you use it you can never turn it off: do you do it?
@DCpierson: No, for the same reason you should never read the comments section of anything on the Internet. No good can come from that much insight.
@DCpierson: I'd be in their head, but really it would put me way more in MY head. I'd rather be blissfully ignorant in almost all cases.
@Joshsorokach: Agree, but other side of the coin you could always impress people with the old "think of a # between 1-1,000,000" trick.
@Joshsorokach: Also, after I asked that I realized that's the plot to the Mel Gibson/Helen Hunt movie What Women Want.
@Joshsorokach: What would you tweet if they announced skee-ball as a new 2016 Olympic Event?
@DCpierson: I wouldn't be tweeting anything. I'd be in the arcade, getting ready for '16. #Destiny
@Joshsorokach: I hear the Canadians have a solid team. Question 6: If you didn't know what the term 'Swashbuckler' meant what would be your best guess?
@DCpierson: I would assume it was a piece of equipment for an obsolescent British sport that rugby made extinct the way a meteor did the dinosaurs.
@Joshsorokach: I could see that. Like some kind of old school cricket/tetherball hybrid that real men played without helmets. Last question...
@Joshsorokach: It's called "iPhone War." We each choose a song at random from our iPhone, & best song wins (much like the card game war).
@Joshsorokach: Mine was Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins, so you sir, have your work cut out for you because I imagine that's like a Jack or Queen.
@Joshsorokach: I'm just relieved nothing from the Aladdin soundtrack popped up on my end. DC, thank you so much for doing this. I really appreciate it!
I'd like to thank DC for participating in our game of "7 Ridiculous Questions" and for not pointing out that in no way, shape, or form does "Let's play iPhone War" qualify as a question.
Make sure to check out DC Pierson's new young adult novel, Crap Kingdom; I classify it as a must read for fans of literature, laughing, life, and basically anything that starts with the letter L.
Do you have any sample questions for our next round of "7 Ridiculous Questions"? Who do you want me to interview next? Did DC Pierson create the PERFECT opening line to a detective agency cover letter?
Follow Josh and DC on Twitter for hilarious gems like "His last words were, "Why would anyone poison a Starburst?" as he confidently popped the Starburst in his mouth & was struck by a bus." and "I make my bed because it's important to start each day by doing something poorly."