Prom season is bananas. It's talked about all year, the theme is debated and voted on, the decorating committee is relentless about fundraising, you have to get the best dress anyone has ever seen, and NO PRESH, but you need a date. Last year you went with your best friend's brother because he's not the worst, and it was okay, but this year you want to go with someone you actually like. The object of your undying affection; your crush.
Listen, we have lots of experience here. We have asked a lot of crushes to dances, and we have had lots of crushes ask us out, and let us tell ya, it has almost never gone right (stay with us) so we're totally equipped to tell you what NOT to do. A lot of it is about timing.
Here are the some horrible ways to ask your crush to prom.
Notes: Notes can be super effective and mysterious, but only if you don't leave them in person. Don't walk up to someone and hand them a note like you've lost the power of speech. It doesn't inspire confidence. One time, in biology, a guy slid a note under my microscope while was I trying to look at banana DNA or something, and all I saw was—you guessed it—these completely giant and illegible letters, and when I looked up he was just sitting there like a trembling schnauzer wearing glasses, waiting for my answer, and I took the note and walked away and avoided him for the rest of the year. FAIL for both of us.
During Athletic Activity: If your crush is in track and field, or soccer, or any other sport where you guys might end up warming up together, there are good times and bad times to talk. Make sure you haven't just run 2 miles and make sure you're not like holding your side and limping and spitting and just generally make sure you have enough breath to get the words out. Also, don't ask your crush to prom while you're doing stretches. There is a very real danger that you can maybe fart while you're reaching for your toes. One time, after warm up and during stretches, I was talking to my crush and I stood up to take off my sweats, and I took my shorts down with them but didn't really realize it for a good four seconds. Just make sure you're clothed and have enough air in your lungs.
Bribery: Definitely the most horrible way to ask your crush to prom, obvi. Especially if it's because he or she has already said no. Something like, "But if you go with me, I'll do your homework for a week." is terrible. NEVER DO THIS. Both of you will have a horrible taste in your mouth. Also If they say yes they're the living worst, and you're better off spending prom with your friends in a Pier One or something.
Private Surprises: Okay, we don't know anyone who has actually done this, but don't ever surprise your crush in the bathroom with a whole mariachi band or a bunch of personalized balloons or anything like that. But also don't be without a mariachi band if you're going to wait in the bathroom for someone. You might be able to hide in their locker, too, but definitely don't.
Parental Consent: "Do you want to go to prom with me? Yes? Awesome! Okay, my dad says I can't go to the prom, but I think if you call and ask his permission it might work." Not only did you ask him to ask your dad to ask you, but, BONUS, now he gets to be scared to death of your dad.
What's the worst way you've heard of someone asking his/her crush to prom?