On Friday night, Team Starkid finally uploaded A Very Potter Senior Year on their YouTube channel, and it can be basically summed up as "I’M SOB-LAUGHING A RIVER OF TEARS THAT WILL NEVER CEASE. WAS THIS WHAT YOU WANTED, YOU SPECTACULAR BUNCH OF SADISTIC NERDS?"
First, the non-spoiler portion: the questions!
How much did they actually cut? The original version is five hours long. According to sources, they didn’t cut too much important stuff—just bits and pieces.
Who was actually there? Almost EVERY SINGLE STARKID, except for Bonnie Gruesen, Ali Gordon, and Julia Albain.
How was Meredith Stepien as Hermione? She was great! And I say this as someone who is a stickler for continuity, but Meredith won me over from her very first fourth-wall-shattering wink.
It’s a "seated reading." What does that mean? Most of the cast are holding their scripts. They had very little rehearsal time, which just makes it all the more fantastic because their slip-ups were GOLDEN.
Will it make me cry? IF YOU HAVE TO ASK, YOU ALREADY KNOW THE ANSWER.
And now, there be spoilers. Here's just a handful of the absolute best moments of AVPSY:
- EVANNA LYNCH AS LUNA
- Even though I had read the script, I still reacted to Darren Criss entering as if I had no idea this was going to happen, which is to say with squeals that were both great and terrible in their magnitude.
- The Hunger Games by Gilderoy Lockhart
- Darren's fabulous "get my good sides" twirl
- Harry and Ginny's break-up—Ginny: "MY BODY NEEDS YOU!" Harry: "I will never throw out all the sh** you bought me."
- Joe Walker randomly holding cats in the commercials
- CHRIS ALLEN AS MOANING MYRTLE
- The Death Eater dance-off between Tom Riddle and Lucius
- Gilderoy Lockhart reading Hermione's fanfiction: "This makes Fifty Shades of Grey look like a f***ing book for kids!"
- Harry: "Get rid of the buttons, Malfoy, or I'll kick you off my street team. Then we'll see who checks your tumblr."
- Joe Walker almost breaking character when "Madam Pom-Pom" drags Moaning Myrtle offstage
- The "He-Man Woman-Haters" as the original (really fabulous) Death Eaters
- Harry Potter, the Boy Who Was on Fire
- "The name's Aragog. Welcome to my crib."
- Jeff Blim singing "Get Into My Mouth" and immediately becoming one of my favorite people on this planet. It's like a sketchy strip club except with gigantic spiders, and if you haven’t watched it there’s no other way to describe it so that I can make you understand what I just said.
- Brian Holden as crazy Scottish Hagrid
- DARREN BREAKING CHARACTER AND LAUGHING ON SCOTTISH HAGRID'S LAP
- Tom's hilarious existential crisis at the Riddle Family Dinner From HELL
- Fozzie Bear winning the Head Boy election by a landslide
- Harry: "Who would care about a loser like me?" Ron: "Losers like us, that's who!"
- Tom Riddle: "I... am... Lord... VOLDEMORT!" *rips off shirt*
- McGonagall: "There has been a new Petrification, putting us over the allowed limit of 340 student casualties each school year."
- I CHOKED ON MY WATER OVER THE ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT REFERENCE
- Hermione seducing Lockhart with all the things she's learned from fanfiction
- Hermione essentially writing the Harry Potter series
- RON GIVING HARRY HIS GRYFFINDOR TIE. THIS WAS SO FAR FROM OKAY IT'S NOT EVEN FUNNY.
- Watching Joey Richter grow as an actor all these years, from AVPM to AVPSY and everything in between, because those scenes in Act II were phenomenal
- THE RETURN OF THE MARAUDERS. I DON’T KNOW HOW THEY DID IT BUT STARKID MANAGED TO MAKE ONE OF THE MOST POIGNANT SONGS BOTH TEAR-JERKING AND HYSTERICAL.
- Harry: "MOM! THIS IS THE STUPIDEST THING YOU'VE EVER DONE!"
- Darren being unable to tie his tie and giving us one of the most beautiful and elegant ad-libs ever
- Seamus tossing in one last zinger before getting Petrified
- The great tragic love story between the Sorting Hat and the Scarf of Sexual Preference
- Voldemort's death. Oh my God.
- Albus Scarfy Potter
- Harry: "Now that you get to go to Hogwarts... I hope you find that swimming pool."
- THAT ENDING. STOP IT.
And that last part, where Darren looked up from his script and said to everyone, "Take it easy, Hogwarts. It has been… totally awesome," was the moment we all looked back on Red Vines and Disney covers, on blue headbands and Pigfarts—serenading dragons, tap dancing Death Eaters, Jelly Legs jinxes, Zefron posters, and that infamous Hogwarts jaguar—and I think it really hit home for everyone that this was it. This was the end. "Well,” we could say when the Harry Potter books ended, "we still have the movies." And when the movies ended, we could, "Well, there’s still A Very Potter Musical." And so there was. And now it’s over. And what an ending.
When Dumbledore/the Gay Guy With a Beard was tearing down the Harry Potter statue and erecting an Andrew Garfield Spider-Man statue in its place, and he said that Andrew Garfield Spider-Man would mean a lot to a new generation of kids, all I could think was that someday they’re going to remake the Harry Potter movies, and they’ll probably be suitably good. And they won’t be the same, certainly. But it’s true that, like Voldemort says, we just have to let go and move on, and that Harry Potter will live on in those who love it. AND NOW I'M CRYING AGAIN. WE'RE DONE HERE. JUST LEAVE ME IN MY DEVASTATION.
References made: Lord of the Rings, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Arrested Development, The Little Mermaid, Death Note, Hocus Pocus, Spider-Man, the Smurfs, West Side Story, Little Rascals, probably more that went way over my head.
Instances of breaking character: A hilarious handful
Number of tears shed: All of them
So...we're going to stop working on SparkLife and watch this IMMEDIATELY. See you in three hours. Have you watched it yet? Did it leave you a hysterically cry-laughing mess?
Image from LeakyNews