Internships are a funny thing. In a way, they could be described as preschool for the real world. For both pre-school and internships offer a taste of what’s to come in the near future, without actually providing the real meat of the industry (no grades/no paychecks).
Of course, that quaint little comparison won’t cushion the blow any when you realize how badly you’re getting screwed over by working 40 hour weeks and only getting compensated with a pat on the head…
With that in mind, we have come up with a list of surefire ways to blow your internship interview, so that you might be able to spend your summer on your couch, or with your friends, while making the same amount of money as you would as a slave an intern.
1) Bring a framed picture of your parents to the interview and set it on the desk. Explain that you need your parents’ eyes on you at all times.
2) Answer every question with a different yoga position. When asked about this, say: “I let my body do the talking."
3) When asked why you want to work there, tell them you don’t, you’re actually a super hero, and your alter ego needs a job to maintain credibility. Then ask if they want to see your cape.
4) When you address the interviewer, call them by your boyfriend/girlfriend’s name, then giggle and say “Whoops, that’s my bf/gf’s name.”
5) Bring a tape recorder to the interview and place it on the desk. When asked about this, explain that collecting voices is your hobby.
6) At the beginning of the interview, get down on one knee and recite the Night Watchman’s Oath from Game of Thrones.
7) In the middle of the interview, ask to use the bathroom. When you return, come back with toilet paper stuck to your shoe. When they tell you about it, say: “I know, it gives me good luck.”
8) Tell them you live by one simple rule: WWKD. What Would Katniss Do?
9) Yawn loudly at some point during the interview. Then say: “Sorry, I didn’t think you were going to be this boring.”
10) Ask different questions about how the company is run. While they are answering, interrupt them by loudly saying, "That's stupid. If my frat/sorority were running things, this place would be a lot more efficient."
11) Bring a dictionary with you to the interview. Open it before you answer a question and tell them “Hold on, I just want to find the right word to correctly express myself.”
12) Try to bribe them with a home-made rap tape.
13) Come in with a bandage wrapped around your arm. Explain that some weird looking guy on the street bit you. As the interview goes on, start giving slower, simpler answers that eventually include the words “delicious brains.”
14) Don’t show up.
15) Coat your hand with peanut butter before interview. Shake the interviewer’s hand in the beginning, and then shout “Hah! You just got peanut buttered!”
16) At the beginning of the interview, tell them that a friend told you that a good way to not be nervous was to picture the person you’re talking to naked. Then during the interview, randomly say, “Ew, gross!” and “So much body hair! I think I’m going to vomit!”
17) When you walk into the interview, stop suddenly and say, “Wait a minute, are there any pickles in this room?” When they say no, say, “Good, because I really hate pickles.” Later on, take out a pickle from your pocket and slowly eat it.
18) Share with them the darkest, deepest secret you have. Then wait a moment and add, “Just kidding!...but what if I wasn’t? Would that be weird?”
19) Open the interview with a friendly challenge to arm-wrestling. After they decline, begin every answer by addressing them as "a yellow-bellied coward…”
20) Ask if they allow facial hair at work. No matter what they answer, say: “Okay, good, now my uncle Herbert will be able to sleep tonight.”