Things Guys Can't Wear
The world of fashion shines upon women, but for men the fashion light is far dimmer. And it’s not fair. There are clothing items and accessories that some guys (not naming names) would love to sport, but because of social standards, size restrictions, and general unease, we can’t. Sometimes we’re prohibited by gender stereotypes; sometimes, it just looks weird. But here are six items that men just can’t wear without getting pointed at and mocked.
1. Nail Polish
Granted, if you’re a rock star, you can get away with this, but for most guys, it’s a no-no. And yet the universe of nail art is expanding at an alarming rate. Ten years ago, nail art meant painting your nails red. Today, you can have Pac-Man nails, or Doctor Who nails...or anything! As long as you’re a lady, that is. If I were to give myself Batman nails on one hand and dinosaur nails on the other, when I applauded those worlds would come together, and that would make me applaud more...and more...and then my hands would bleed. But, sadly, I would also be stared at, because I am a guy and guys usually don’t wear nail art. (Yet.)
2. Big Comfy Boots
Boy boots are great, but they’re typically made of stiff leather. Some even have steel in the toes. Wearing them is less about comfort than about the ability to squash coconuts or defeat rhinos. Women have far more options for all manner of footwear, but their fluffy, furry boots with soft warm linings look like beds for your feet and that’s why I want them. And yet if a guy wears big comfy boots, everyone laughs...even the shoe salesman. (Jerk.)
3. Bo Staffs
This has nothing to do with gender, but with danger. It’s just not safe for people to go around carrying bo staffs, because with a big wooden pole strapped to your back (Ninja Turtle style), you would be constantly knocking things over and have difficulty getting into doors. Women have a better chance of pulling this look off (because women can turn anything into a great accessory) but it will still take some time before the world is ready for bo staffs. That’s a shame. If I could wear a bo staff, then I could use it to vault over rooftops and various pits. I could carry two smaller, pocket-sized bo staffs, but my pockets are already filled with keys, candy, lucky objects, movie ticket stubs, and “emergency string.” So that’s not really an option.
4. Leggings or Yoga Pants
What? Why are you laughing? Superman (kind of) wears leggings, and he’s great. And think of the mobility!
Why are these forms of fancy, but breathable, headgear only associated with royalty and beauty pageants? That’s not right. We should all be able to wear crowns...every day. The Everyday Crown (copyright Dan Bergstein Industries) doesn’t need to be as ornate as the bejeweled toppers you read about in fairy tales, but instead it should be a nice, sturdy, bronze crown that could really make a statement when at a restaurant or parking garage.
6. Wrap Dresses
Take out the feminine knot/belt in some of these dresses, dye them biege, and you got a sleeveless Jedi smock! Plus, without the sleeves of traditional Jedi garb to weigh your arm down, you can do much more damage with the lightsaber you made out of paper towel rolls.
Should guys try nail art?