Liam And Miley Broke Up, Maybe
STOP EVERYTHING, YOU GUYS. According to the gossiping blabbermouths who claim to know about these things, Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth are officially over. For good. For real. Did you scream out loud? Are you still screaming? How can we ever believe in love again, when these two crazy kids with their perfectly-coiffed hair and impeccably-shaped buttocks and Nicholas Sparks movie-romance can't even make it work?!
Of course, we shouldn't panic... yet. This is all just a frightening rumor until one or the other of the relationship's participants say it's really real, which hasn't happened. Instead, Miley has taken to Twitter with a huffy statement about Los Angeles and the stupid armies of hatemongering West Coast liars who keep spreading rumors about her supposed breakup.
(Nice, Miley—but if you really want to do social media right, you need a vague, threatening tweet about "haters," followed by a belligerent declaration that YOU DON'T KNOW MY LIFE.) So, maybe they're still together? Except that the bride-to-be isn't wearing her giant engagement rock anymore, so also, maybe they're not?
Or maybe her finger got tired from hauling around that enormous diamond and needed a rest.
Or maybe Liam is actually an alien invader from the planet Nzakkerquat and only wanted to get close to Miley so he could lay a bunch of eggs in her chest that will later explode and spawn a complete extraterrestrial takeover of the human race, and we are all doomed.
Whatever, bro. YOU DON'T KNOW HIS LIFE.
So, what do you think? Are Miley and Liam on? Off? Do you know? Do you care?