Search Menu

Why March is the Best Month

Why March is the Best Month

We were wrong. After reviewing yesterday’s article “Why March is the Worst Month” we realized that whole thing is a lie. March is super! March is perfect! March is the Spider-Man of months! There is no month as monthier as March! And if you need more reasons to tattoo “March 4-Evah” on your neck, then check out our list explaining why March deserves its own year.

It’s also a verb!
March is more than a month! It’s an action! It’s a type of band! It’s powerful! It’s a command! You would never say, “Let’s June into the enemy’s fortress and take back our land!” March sounds even better when you scream it! March! (See?)

It’s transitional!
Sure the weather is wonky in March, but that’s only because spring is about to be sprung. Like a chick pecking out of its shell, March is an adorable time of awakening and rebirth! You can almost smell the flowers about to bloom and all the kisses about to be kissed. (Yes, you can smell kisses and they smell like lip gloss and mint gum.) Speaking of which...

Get your lips ready!
Use this month of loneliness to rest your lips. Soon you will be drowning in a sea of kisses as the warm weather gets everyone hot and bothered.

St. Patrick’s Day!
Cupid is a dumb naked baby. Santa is a creeper who watches you sleep. But leprechauns? Who doesn’t love leprechauns? Yes, some of them are creepy, but most are silly and fun. And they’re rich! Just don’t let them bite you because many are rabid.

You can wear shorts and a jacket!
This attire is considered tacky during the rest of the year, but for these precious thirty-one days, you can pull off the look. Hell, you can wear whatever you want in March. Sandals and snow pantls? Yep. Bikini bottoms and a sweater? Of course. A tennis visor and nothing else? Um...well...maybe not. The point is: Thanks to awful, unpredictable weather patterns, this is the month to wear ugly things and get away with it.

The stock photo models are happy!
Yesterday, the stock photo models were grumpy and emo...

Today, they’re all smiles because they got rid of that lame dude. (Probably via murder.)

We’re just glad these folks are happy again. Yay! That's the power of March! It can turn sad into happy! Huzzah!

Okay. There’s nothing else. We tried. We spent hours and hours trying to write this list and all we could come up with is Leprechauns and the ability to wear bikini bottoms w/ sweaters. Let’s be honest; March still sucks. It’s horrible. Yesterday’s article was nothing but truths. Is March over yet? Ugh. Why is it still March? Where’s my tennis visor? I need something to cheer me up...

Poll Question

March is...

Topics: Life
Tags: winter, dan bergstein, funny, st. patrick's day, spring, march

Write your own comment!