Aries (March 21 – April 19)
It's too easy to make people uncomfortable without even meaning to, Aries—say, by talking like a pirate on Talk Like A Pirate Day, right as your friend arrives with her new boyfriend, Admiral Pegleg One-Eye. "B-but, uh, I have tons of friend who are pirates!" you stutter, but everyone is just looking at you with disdain. The lesson is: never say anything out loud unless you sound so sarcastic that you can disavow it later. Your secret rap name is MC3P0. Your lucky ice cream is Chicken Fried Steak Ice Cream.