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24 More Signs Your High School Is Worst Than Most

24 More Signs Your High School Is Worst Than Most

By Anthony DeVito

Does my high school suck? Does my Mom hate me? Is my Dad ever coming back? We don’t know the answer to those last two questions, but these are some more signs your high school sucks more than most. (Check out the first post of signs here):

1. All the vampires at your high school are ugly.

2. There are no soft pretzels at lunch, only vegan treats.

3. You’re homeschooled, and your house suuuuuucks.

4. You have a gymnasium that doubles as a classroom, and triples as the cafeteria, and quadruples as the town police station.

5. Instead of a report card with grades, they just base your test scores on a groundhog seeing its shadow.

6. Instead of a swimming pool, there’s a sinkhole and every time it rains, your school sets up a mock beach with a sign that says “high school is beachin!”

7. Your locker is made out of wood...and the combination is a riddle.

8. Your math classes forbid the use of a calculator and demand the use of an abacus.

9. Your high school mascot is just a high school senior who didn't get into his college of choice.

10. Your guidance counselor is Charlie Sheen.

11. Your marching band is just a skinny, pale kid named Ed, who has to play all the instruments at the same time. That one is pretty specific, but if it's true, your high school definitely sucks.

12. There are no pencils, you are to use MIND INK!

13. Every year for the school play, your high school drama department just does a reenactment of every Fast and Furious movie.

14. You don’t have Drivers Ed, instead, your high school just makes you watch hours of Nascar in a dark, wet room that smells like the beard of a carnival worker. Again, pretty specific, but if its true, you should transfer to a different high school.

15. Your high school is the high school from the show Glee.

16. Your high school is so strict that if hall monitors catch you roaming the hallways without a pass, they’re within their legal rights to throw you in actual jail.

17. Your high school has an actual jail.

18. The doors in each classroom lock from the outside.

19. Your principal insists that you think of him as not just a “principal,” but a “prince” whose also your “pal.”

20. There is no electricity or recess. You must wear a hat and harvest grain all day long.

21. After you do the pledge of allegiance, you’re made to sing “God Bless America,” then watch the movie Gettysburg and boil a hot dog while reciting every line to the Declaration of Independence. Also, you are to be doing all this, facing towards the White House, or you get deported.

22. Your school motto is “there are no stupid questions, only stupid people.”

23. Your high school doesn’t have a school song, instead it just adopts Adele’s “Rolling in the Deep” and plays it before first period, making everyone perpetually sad. Also, there are too many stairs, that’s annoying.

24. Your high school is a high school.

Topics: Life
Tags: high school, horrible things, lists

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About the Author
Anthony DeVito

Anthony DeVito is a NYC based comic. Originally from New Jersey, he was featured as one of the "New Faces" at the 2012 Montreal Just for Laughs Festival, recently taped a Gotham Comedy Live on AXS TV, performed at the 2013 Bridgetown Comedy Festival and 2013 SF Sketchfest, and is also the former host of "Say What?!" on the NOC TV. You can follow him on Twitter @anthonydevito_

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