Greetings Sparklers! Want to watch The Perks of Being a Wallflower with me? If you answered "yes," continue reading! If you answered "no," continue reading. No exclamation point for you.
0:01: The movie begins with the sound of a typewriter as the title appears: the perks of being a wallflower. That's how it's written; no capitalization in sight. C'mon, have some respect for yourself, title.
0:03: Where to sit at lunch? I remember stressing over having the same lunch period as all of my friends, even (allegedly) going so far as switching my own schedule because I understood that all meaningful high school friendships and relationships start and end with lunch. Somebody should make a documentary about this.
0:05: Apparently Charles Dickens invented the paperback book AND cereal. More like, "it was the best of times, it was the BEST of times." What can't that guy do? Wait, Paul Rudd probably meant that Charles Dickens invented the serial and not cereal. Yep. That makes more sense. Besides, everyone knows that this guy invented cereal.
0:07: We meet the rest of Charlie's family as well as Charlie's sister's boyfriend Derek. We're only five minutes in but Charlie's dad (played by either Dylan McDermott or Dermot Mulroney) is my favorite character in the movie while this "Derek" character seems to be the absolute worst. A mixtape that you DJ'ed yourself? C'mon, dude. Have you ever given someone a mixtape and had the recipient say, "You know, I was kinda on the fence about you romantically, but your transition from Miley Cyrus to Billy Joel really made me rethink my feelings for you. Let's french it up!"
0:08: Charlie gets bullied by a female. One step forward for gender equality, but one step back for social civility.
Patrick: Hey, you're in my shop class, right? How's your clock going?
Charlie: My dad's building it for me.
Patrick: Yeah. Mine looks like a boat.
0:16: Ponytail Derek slaps Charlie's sister! What? I knew it! You simply cannot trust guys with ponytails who make mixtapes. One of those? Maybe. Both? No thank you.
0:17: Also, if everyone's referring to you as "Ponytail Derek" maybe it's time to consider a change in your hairstyle.
0:17: These kids consider Come on Eileen good music? Finally! Such an underrated "alarm clock song" (song to wake up to).
0:18: I wouldn't exactly consider this particular dancing technique a "perk" of being a wallflower.
Charlie: Sam, you have such pretty brown eyes. The kind that pretty that deserves to make a big deal out of itself. You know what I mean?
Wow. Charlie and 16-year-old Josh would get along famously. On an unrelated note, I'm stealing that line on my next 1st/last date.
0:25: Definitely just paused the movie to listen to Come on Eileen and the song Low which is the quintessential "this is what the early 90s sounded like" movie song.
0:27: Emma Watson, in classic Manic Pixie Dream Girl fashion, stands up on the outside of a moving vehicle so she can feel alive. Charlie's in love, while I just can't help thinking about how dangerous it is. You want to feel alive? Order a second dessert. Wallflower or no wallflower, vehicular safety is NO JOKE.
0:30: Other members of the "Let's make this movie feel like the early 90s" all-star team: Toad the Wet Sprocket's All I Want, Nirvana's Smells Like Teen Spirit, Soundgarden's Black Hole Sun, Blind Melon's No Rain, and Spin Doctor's Two Princes.
0:34: Oh boy, Charlie just presented Sam with a mixtape. This won't end well.
Charlie: I couldn't find that particular song from the night of the tunnel.
I just poured some of my apple juice out as a sign of respect for Google. Stupid move because I stained my carpet, but not the stupidest move because I can use Google to figure out how to clean it up.
Blond girl who steals jeans: Don't you write poetry, Craig?
Craig: Poetry...writes me.
And we have a new contender for the title of "Absolute Worst!" Craig and Ponytail Derek should take a white water rafting trip together...and never come back.
Paul Rudd: We accept the love we think we deserve.
Perceptive, Rudd. But not as perceptive as your quote from Knocked Up:
"Marriage is like a tense, unfunny version of Everybody Loves Raymond, only it doesn't last 22 minutes. It lasts forever."
0:38: Movie montage time! Love the fact that they went with one of the most underrated Christmas songs of all time: Christmas (Baby Please Come Home).
Patrick: All the great writers used to wear suits.
I'm currently wearing pajama pants and a "Spaghettios" t-shirt. Point taken. Confidence lost.
0:51: Charlie takes some drugs then (naturally) decides to go outside and shovel some snow.
Charlie: I saw this tree, but it was a dragon and then it was a tree again. It just lied to me.
Drugs: Messing with your mind, but helping you with chores.
0:56: The actor playing Charlie absolutely nails the "confident in his complete lack of confidence" look.
0:58: Mary Elizabeth and Charlie begin to date. Any relationship that begins with,"I'm sick of macho guys" will probably work out.
1:04: Loved the section of the Mary Elizabeth/Charlie dating montage where Charlie confesses he's tired of touching Mary Elizabeth's boobs because she won't let him choose the make-out music.
Mary Elizabeth: Walden. I read this in 7th grade; I would have called it: On Boring Pond.
Agreed. I love the concept, but couldn't make it past page 50.
1:06: Okay, in Charlie's defense the question was, "I dare you to kiss the most beautiful girl in the room on the lips." The game is called TRUTH or dare. He was obligated, by truth or dare law mind you, to kiss the person he deemed the most beautiful. Also, odd way to phrase the question, Patrick.
1:12: "Touch my friends again and I'll blind you" is an oddly specific threat.
1:21: Love the hug between Charlie and Paul Rudd. One of those awkward "one person holds the embrace a beat too long" hugs.
Sam: "So why didn't you ever ask me out?"
Oh, I don't know, because you were with that Jerk Store CRAIG! Also, remember that whole "truth or dare" fiasco? What else do you want the guy to do?
1:30: Wow. Huh. So, this movie definitely takes an... interesting turn. The actor portraying Charlie (Logan Lerman) really gives a phenomenal performance.
1:36: The movie ends with yet another mixtape exchange and the symbolic transformation of Charlie, who's now ready to experience life (while thumbing his nose at proper automobile etiquette). Credits.
Well, I certainly did not see that ending coming, but I have to say, I thoroughly enjoyed this movie. I give The Perks of Being a Wallflower an 8 out of 10!
Thanks for watching the movie with me, but next time YOU bring the popcorn.
What did you think of The Perks of Being a Wallflower? Did you like the book or the movie better? Anybody have a good mixtape story?