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Auntie SparkNotes: I Think About Marrying Everyone I Meet

Auntie SparkNotes: I Think About Marrying Everyone I Meet

By kat_rosenfield

Dear Auntie,
I could try to explain my problem, but I think Jane Austen sums up my situation perfectly:

"A lady's imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony in a moment."

This is me. You see, whenever I talk to a guy, give him my number, go on a small date, anything, my imagination goes into overdrive. I start to imagine my entire life with him. I get my hopes up ridiculously high, imagine a relationship that will probably never happen, plan weddings in my head, etc. It's so stupid! I can't help but being overly optimistic when it comes to guys. Is there a way to, I don't know, drag me back down to earth? Is there a way to slap some sense into me so I'm more realistic? Cause I don't want to scare guys away and I don't want to get hurt because of my high expectations.

To begin with, Sparkler, you're right about two things:

1) that Jane Austen does, indeed, sum up your plight to perfection—as she does in all cases, with everything, because Jane Austen is the boss, and

2) that yes, you should give a relationship somewhat more than five minutes before you start babbling on about wedding cakes and white picket fences. I mean, common wisdom dictates that you wait at least half an hour. Otherwise, you'll get terrible cramps and drown. Or something like that, anyway.

But here's what I don't think you're right about: that your tendency toward romantic daydreaming is in any way evidence that you're stupid, insensible, or in need of a slap with the Trout of Stop Getting Ahead of Yourself (who is, as you might have guessed, an aquatic cousin of the Punishment Salmon). And that's because, despite your concerns, there's a frankly enormous difference between expectation and imagination.

The former is a problem, but the latter? It's only when imagination crosses the line into obsession, or action, that you have any cause to worry.

And I just don't think you do. If you were invested in a fantasy life to the detriment of your real one—frantically chasing guys, or being inappropriately intense in a brand-new relationship, or neglecting your friends/hobbies/studies because of the all-consuming drive to date, mate, and marry—that would be something else. And if you feel like you're getting let down after wasting too much time sighing over your rose-colored Someday, then it could be a sign that something's lacking in your Right Now—and that maybe you need something new, be it a sport, a club, or a creative outlet, to help you reengage. (In other words: you might be bored.)

But the fact that this happens with every guy, every time, suggests that you're not forming unhealthy attachments or over-the-top hopes for romance. This isn't even about the dudes in question, is it? It's about you, and the life you'd like to have one day. You're just dreaming, like everyone does. And if, to pass the time during your drab day-to-day, you get a bit of a thrill from imagining what it's like to be somewhere else, that's totally okay—whether that somewhere else is in Paris, in London, in a little house with a loving spouse... or in the driver's seat of a Rolls Royce convertible made entirely of cheese.

Not that I would know anything about that.

Do you ever have crazy daydreams about someone you've just met? Tell us in the comments! And to get advice from Auntie, email her at advice@sparknotes.com.
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Topics: Advice
Tags: auntie sparknotes, relationships, dating, marriage, jane austen, daydreams

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About the Author
kat_rosenfield

Kat Rosenfield is a writer, illustrator, advice columnist, YA author, and enthusiastic licker of that plastic liner that comes inside a box of Cheez-Its. She loves zombies and cats. She hates zombie cats. Follow her on Twitter or Tumblr @katrosenfield.

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