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What's Your Roommate Hiding Under Her Bed?

What's Your Roommate Hiding Under Her Bed?

By Melissa Albert

You've now had a semester and change to get used to the human you share your dorm room with. You know her likes (folded sweaters, Gilmore Girls reruns) and her dislikes (out of town visitors, people using her ranch dressing). You don't really hang out, but you do get along pretty well. So what's left to worry about? Her deepest, darkest secret, that's what! News flash: everybody who has ever lived with anybody has a crazy roommate story, and you're no different. So go ahead. Look under your roommate's bed. Here's what she's probably been hiding under there:

1. Backup roommate, in case you get sassy.

2. Every kind of Boggle. She's holding out on you!

3. Her overbearing parents, which makes it extra weird that she calls them four times a day.

4. Survivalist chest filled with enough Hormel chili to feed a small army.

5. That pudding cup you put in the fridge last November, that she swore she didn't take. Busted!

6. A papier-mâché mask of your face, made while you were sleeping.

7. Empty mason jars labeled "For The Plumbing Apocalypse."

8. Passports from 40 different countries, all bearing the name Seymour Butts.

9. Sweater that you once casually complimented her on, now hidden inside a chained lock box.

10. Every piece of dental floss you've used since moving in, organized by date.

11. A 37-yard, hand-knit bedazzled scarf embroidered with the complete lyrics of Katy Perry.

12. Nothin'. To the closet!

Have you ever looked under your roomie's bed? What'd you find?

Topics: Life, College Advisor
Tags: roommates, funny things, college life, roomies, funny lists, dorm life

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About the Author
Melissa Albert

Melissa Albert reads books, worries about other people’s dogs (they look thirsty), and eats horrible candy for fun and profit. When not wearing her extremely tasteful Sparkitor hat, she’s an editor for the Barnes & Noble Book Blog. You can find her on Twitter @mimi_albert, or in the hot pretzel section of your local cafeteria.

Wanna contact a writer or editor? Email contribute@sparknotes.com.