How to Stay Awake in Class
When you're in a class like Advanced Psychology 503: Really Advanced Advanced Psychology, psychology just isn't stimulating enough. Especially when you discovered Arrested Development the previous night and you're running on three hours of sleep.
But the professor is eyeing you like a vulture eyeing a yak that looks unwell, and you just can't. Fall. Asleep.
Here's what you do:
Start blinking. Really fast and really intensely. Don't stop until you feel awake.
Start line dancing. Really fast and really intensely. In your chair. Don't stop until you feel awake.
Do some yoga. Yoga's supposed to wake you up! But be careful, because it's also supposed to make you farty. There's nothing worse than when you're doing downward-facing dog on top of your desk and you accidentally rip one.
Bring coffee. Anything with the words "quad shot" before the name of the order should work. "Quad Shot Bagel" is a great one.
Start counting down to the end of class. Aloud.
Pinch yourself. HARD.
Pinch your neighbor. Then you'll get slapped. BOOM. You're awake.
Pretend you're texting in class. Then, when the professor "catches" you, shout "I was just staring at my crotch!"
Say "Wait, is this Choir class? Crap, all along I thought this was Choir!" Then leave. Singing.
Slap your eyes. Bring them under your control.
;l'./;;,l. Sorry. I spilled coffee creamer on my keyboard.
Draw eyes on your eyelids. Make them cat eyes! Then your professor will think, "There is a werecat in my class. I'll act like I don't notice. Oh no, it's snoring! I've got to get the flip out of here."
Sit in the front row and pretend you're having a conversation with the professor. Make sure to say "Mhmm," and "How interesting," and "That's wack!" every time he ends a sentence.
Sing through all of Les Miserables under your breath. Since class will end around the vicinity of "On My Own," once the professor dismisses class you can suddenly start singing aloud.
Take a power nap. When the professor catches you sleeping, say "Seventy-nine, eighty! Ready or not, here—Wow, you guys are all terrible at this game."
How do you stay awake in class?