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25 Ways to Fail at Spring Break

25 Ways to Fail at Spring Break

By Chrissie Gruebel

Spring break makes us think of a bunch of people driving around in a convertible while Party in the USA plays. If this is how your spring break looks in reality, then you’re probably winning. Why? Because whether you go away or not, spring break should be about warm weather, best friends, no homework, pizza, old-school Madonna hits, new-school Britney hits, Miley Cyrus’ only hit, dance parties, or whatever else you find fun. You should go swimming at least once. Climb a tree! Run on the beach holding a bunch of balloons! Too far? Yes, probably. But also, no!

Unfortunately, there ARE ways you can fail spring break. We don’t even like discussing them, but we feel you should be informed—because friends don't let friends ruin their own vacations. Here are 25 ways to have the worst spring break ever:

1. You grab the wrong suitcase and it is filled with spiders.
2. You willingly join a cult that worships Billy Bob Thornton.
3. You spend the entire week taking a voluntary organic chemistry class.
4. You watch Bridalplasty.
5. You go to Señor Frogs in Cancun and you bring your mom with you.
6. You take a job working inside a dunk tank at the baseball field where the New York Yankees happen to be in spring training.
7. You're ON Bridalplasty.
8. You meet a handsome ghost but forget to give him your digits.
9. You accidentally start a prison riot.
10. You get lost in the woods and join a wolf pack to survive—but then you tell them you’re a vegetarian and it does not end well.
11. You forget to pack underwear, a toothbrush, a bathing suit…you forget to pack, period.
12. You put a pair of steaks in your pocket and go on a drive-through safari.
13. You dance the Macarena, the Chicken Dance and the Electric Slide until you get hospitalized for exhaustion.
14. You eat 10 lbs. of grapes.
15. You wake up one morning in a bathtub filled with cottage cheese. All your teeth are gone.
16. You spend a week tracking Bigfoot but when you end up at a Wendy’s, you realize he’s really just a swarthy lumberjack.
17. You end up with 100 Instagram photos of you and a ventriloquist’s dummy.
18. You realize you are allergic to sand, sea, puppies, rainbows and fun.
19. You and your best friend have a huge fight over who’s the Beyoncé and who’s the Kelly Rowland of your twosome and you don’t talk all week.
20. You dress up like a zombie to terrorize an amusement park—and you would’ve gotten away with it too, if it weren't for a bunch of mystery-solving kids and their dog.
21. You take a course entitled “Spring Break,” but you don’t do any work and play XBox instead of studying. You get an F.
22. You throw water balloons at a bunch of senior citizens holding newborn babies. (Related: this is also how you fail at LIFE).
23. You organize a letter-writing campaign that demands Jon Gosselin be featured on every TV show on every channel … and you succeed.
24. You travel into the future to find out the entire plot of the Doctor Who series finale and when you get back, you spoil it for everyone.
25. You craft elaborate backstories for other people’s friends on Facebook and write them all out using calligraphy and long scrolls.

Are you excited for spring break? Do you have any plans? MAKE  SOME. Remember: if you fail to prepare, you prepare to fail.

Topics: Life
Tags: vacations, spring break, funny lists, spring break 2013, funny posts

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About the Author
Chrissie Gruebel

Chrissie Gruebel is a bunch of things separated by commas, but more often than not, she’s a writer, comedian, and wearer of too many colors at once. Here she is on Twitter: @chrissiegruebel.

Wanna contact a writer or editor? Email contribute@sparknotes.com.