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Things You Say to Your Dog That You REALLLLLY Shouldn't Say to People

Things You Say to Your Dog That You REALLLLLY Shouldn't Say to People

By Melissa Albert

Unhinged behavior around adorable animals has become so acceptable, even Science has proven that wanting to kiss a kitten till it asphyxiates is totally normal. Nevertheless, too much time spent in the company of your pets can make you lose sight of what is and isn't appropriate human small talk. Know your audience, and make sure your dog is clearly visible to passersby before saying any of these person-inappropriate, dog-approved phrases:
1. Who wants to go to the park and sniff some butts?

2. What is in your mouth? Stop biting me and let me put my fingers in your mouth!

3. My fingers taste like chips, huh? Huh? Yeah, they do.

4. Why are you the prettiest girl in the whole wide world? I'm going to eat you!

5. You want to lick my face, don't you. DON'T YOU.

6. I know you want to roll in dead squirrel, but then I'd have to give you a bath.

7. Uh oh, you smell like grassy barf. Got a tummy ache?

8. You are a handsome sassy gentleman and the whole world knows it!

9. Get down and show me your belly.

10. Who is a wiggly bear snuggle monster? YOU IS.

We LURRRRVE this post almost as much as we lurve puppies. What else do you say to your dog that you can't say to your fellow human peeps?

Topics: Life
Tags: puppies, pets, funny things, funny lists

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About the Author
Melissa Albert

Melissa Albert reads books, worries about other people’s dogs (they look thirsty), and eats horrible candy for fun and profit. When not wearing her extremely tasteful Sparkitor hat, she’s an editor for the Barnes & Noble Book Blog. You can find her on Twitter @mimi_albert, or in the hot pretzel section of your local cafeteria.

Wanna contact a writer or editor? Email contribute@sparknotes.com.