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Dan's School Report: Susan B. Anthony

Dan's School Report: Susan B. Anthony

In honor of Susan B. Anthony’s birthday, Dan Bergstein has handed in the following report on one of history’s most important civil rights crusaders.

Susan B. Anthony: America's First Woman
By Daniel Adam Bergstein

Susan B. Anthony was the first woman in America and she was a famous woman who fought for women’s rights during the turbulent 1960s. Susan, whose middle initial stands for her nickname Birdie, was born blind and deaf. Thanks to medicine, she learned sign language while hiding in the attic of a Nazi house during many wars. Her story is the basis for the book Flowers in the Attic by V.C. Andrews. Susan B. Anthony also wrote Little House on the Prairie.

Before becoming the first female writer and doctor, Susan B. Anthony worked hard to get women the right to vote. Men thought she was being silly and so they made her become a scientist to prove she was smart. When she cured polio in 1973 while inventing penicillin, some men made fun of her by calling her Little Miss Cures-a-Lot, or Madam Curie. But there was no denying her results.

WIth polio cured, Susan went back to work on the voting thing. She did this by paying off government officials with her homemade coins called Susan B. Anthony dollars. The money worked and women were given the right to vote, which is called women’s suffrage because the name is meant to be funny and ironic, like calling a bald man “Curly.” No one really suffered.

To celebrate her success, France and Europe gave us the Statue of Liberty as a trophy, which is modeled after Susan and explains why some folks call the statue, Susie B. when talking with friends. Some think the statue is sarcastic because men can be mean. Susan did not make (or break) the Liberty Bell, but she was allowed to carry it in parades.

When not writing women laws, Susan enjoyed standing up for what she believed in. This included chimpanzees. I think Susan spent many years living with the chimpanzees, and she taught them sign language which is why chimps are so smart now. She donated many chimpanzees to zoos and museums and was the first person to realize apes are not monkeys—probably because she could ask them herself with the sign language.

Her best friends were Betsy Ross and Rosa Parks.

Susan got all women the right to vote. She also coined the words “hater” and “creeper” as a way to fight back against mean guys who were acting up. And because of her, women can now be police officers and landowners. Woman can also be basketball coaches.

Susan was not the first female astronaut, but that's okay.

Due to her work with freedom, she was invited to the White House where she famously said, “Let them eat cake.” This was a joke, because back then, jokes were easier to make and did not need to make sense. This quote is now in the Library of Congress, where Susan B. Anthony used to work during the summers.

Back in her time, oranges were valuable and considered Christmas presents. Orange farmers were very rich. But now oranges aren't as fancy and you can buy them at stores. This is because of Susan B. Anthony and her freedom.

Susan married a man. She died from a poisoned blanket that was poisoned with smallpox, thanks to Lewis and Clarke and Pocahontas.

Her ghost still haunts the White House. She was the first woman to use "ankle' as a verb. She is also the first woman to say, "More fun than a barrel of monkeys," figuratively.

Susan B. Anthony was the best woman of America and her freedom was important for everyone. Without Susan B. Anthony, women could not vote or drive or be taller than their husbands or take medicine on the Sabbath. Women back then could only be teachers and witches. Thank you, Susan B. Anthony. You are not only a great woman; you are America’s first woman. And the first woman mayor!

This is my report on Susan B. Anthony that I wrote in honor of her birthday. She was born in a cave. She also designed the Panama Canal. This report is very good and the word count is correct. In conclusion: Susan B. Anthony's birthday should be a holiday. And if we have to remove a holiday to make room, we should get rid of President's Day because that day is unremarkable and there are no presents or greeting cards for it.

This is the end.

How would you grade Dan’s report?

Topics: Life
Tags: history, funny, february, women we love, awesome women, school report

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