Should You Date a Zombie or a Vampire?
Dating is so hard, especially when you are trying to choose between dating the undying or the dead undead. Are you into brunettes, blondes, or guys with just a tease of meninges showing? Have you been doodling that SO's initials in your workbooks, or have you been zombiefying yourself into a future in which you and the lusty Rick Grimes coexist? Who should you date: a bloodsucking vampire or a necrotizing corpse with bitey, walky verve? We would tell you to follow your heart, but if you're already undead, you might not have one. On to the list of pros and cons!
- Zombies are into girls with brains.
- Vampires are known teeth-knockers when Frenching. Zombies sometimes don't have teeth to worry about.
- Zombies, because when she says she's more than a pretty face, she's probably talking about the gaping wound where a 4x4 sits lodged in her ribcage.
- It's easier to conceal a vampire bite with powder compact than it is to disguise a missing trachea.
- Vampires can party all night, but Zombies are 24-hour party people.
- Vampires are better conversationalists. Zombies just kinda moan a lot.
- Zombies are into over-clothes touching if you want to go slow.
- Vampires make you look tan.
- Zombies, because: Check out the brain stems on those girls.
- Zombies, because: There's someone out there for everyone, even if you need a pickaxe to stop their mother from eating them.
- Vampires, because if you're into older guys, there are a lot of suave, eligible 400-year-olds.
- Vampires, because you know you're in love when it feels like a stake through the heart seeing them with someone else.
- Zombies know that when you find true love, you hold onto it with both wrist bones.
- Zombies don't let the Southern humidity get them down.
- With a zombie, you can have your beefcake, and eat him too.
- Vampires like Iron & Wine.
- Zombies like Wye Oak.
- All that emo getup can make vampires DEPRESSING, but you can't kill a zombie's spirit, even if you chop its legs off.
And the winner is: Zombies! Because join the club.
Who would you rather be undead with for all eternity?