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19 Signs You Need To Wash Your Jeans

19 Signs You Need To Wash Your Jeans

By RG Daniels

1. They're black, but were blue when you bought them.

2. Hobos are giving you high fives instead of asking for change.

3. You were taking out the trash, then got hired by the Sanitation Department on the grounds you were already wearing the uniform.

4. Your neighbors are staging a protest about the smell of rotting eggs and cantaloupe in the neighborhood.

5. The Jeans and Pants Association Nationwide (JAPAN) has requested you no longer wear pants.

6. The military officially designated your jeans as a Weapon of Mass Destruction.

7. Your legs are desperately try to run away from the rest of your body when you locate your nasty jeans, under your bed, next to a pile of mayonnaise(?).

8. There's a McRib sauce stain to indicate each time McDonald's served the sandwich in the past 10 years.

9. Flies land on your legs…and die.

10. Your jeans have molded to the skin on your legs causing people to believe you're some kind of mutant member of X-Men with the terrible super power of having jeans for legs.

11. They are featured in the new campaign for Glade Air Freshener.

12. The SWAT team was called on a tip you might be a zombie.

13. You've been asked to appear on Dr. Phil as your family sobs uncontrollably about "your pants problem."

14. What originally was thought of as a new life-threatening stomach virus turned out to be your dirty jeans making people barf whenever you show up.

15. When you sit down it sounds like one thousand bags of potato chips getting crushed.

16. Your jeans were hired to be in the next Jackass movie as one of the stunts Steve-O must endure.

17. Plants are growing out of the seams.

18. Dogs keep sniffing your ankles and accepting them as a suitable place to pee.

19. Your nostrils are screaming.

Topics: Life
Tags: fashion, lists, laziness, laundry, jeans

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About the Author
RG Daniels

RG Daniels is a writer living in Brooklyn, NY. He likes ‘90s one-hit wonders, breakfast for dinner, and koala bears. He is currently on Level 163 in Candy Crush.

Wanna contact a writer or editor? Email contribute@sparknotes.com.