10 Ways to Rebel Against Valentine's Day
Valentine’s Day is the one holiday loathed by both singles and those who are temporarily not single. Here are some original ways to rebel against the tide this February 14th.
1. Buy a box of chocolate and replace all of the chocolates with small folded notes about the life of Martin Luther King Jr. Give it to someone in honor of Black History Month.
2. Take your significant other to a diamond store and say “You can have anything in this store that wasn’t made with horrific human suffering.”
3. Put on a diaper and tape some wings to your back then go to the nearest park and fire warning shots at couples using a hunter’s bow.
4. Wear a ninja costume. Then constantly ask people if they like your ninja costume. Then before they respond start crying and say “Valentine’s day is the one day ninjas wish they didn’t work alone.”
5. Make someone a mixed CD labeled "love." Fill it with smooth and soulful ballads from the likes of Marvin Gaye and Barry White. Put one random screaming death metal song in the middle.
6. Start a fire in a garbage can then tell people it’s cool because you just threw a bunch of scented candles in there.
7. Tell people that you will be celebrating the holiday the traditional way, persecuting others for their Christian faith.
8. Tell people that in many Islamic countries it is illegal to celebrate Valentine’s Day. Then tell them "If Barack Hussein Obama has his way, it will be illegal here too!" to make them immediately stop talking to you.
9. Send someone a dozen bags of flour.
10. Make your gifts instead of purchasing them. Don’t allow an emotion as pure as love to be exploited by manufacturers of everything from cards to chocolates to jewelry. Write a poem, paint a picture; use your creativity to make a gift. Then give it to nobody because you’re alone. Like a ninja.