How to Trick Your Crush Into Being Your Valentine
Instead of spending V-day alone, sobbing into a double bacon cheeseburger, you’ve committed to going out and making the most of the holiday. Unfortunately, you don't have a date.
Instead of taking the easy way out and simply asking someone to be yours this Valentine’s Day, try tricking your crush into a date! After all, nothing says love like casual entrapment.
Step 1: Clean yourself up. Look cute, smell nice, and try to relax so that facial tick goes away.
Step 2: Set up a romantic date scenario in a vacant classroom or well-lit janitor’s closet. Get in the mood for love with some candles, rose petals on the floor, and a harpist gently strumming away in the corner.
Step 3: Find your crush. Swoon and spill something on him that will leave a really ugly and questionable stain. Offer to lend him a tuxedo that you happen to have on hand.
Step 4: Give your sweetie pie excessive amounts of chocolate, thus triggering an endorphin rush. They will confuse the chocolate-induced happiness with happiness from being with you. This is science*.
Step 5: Steal your beloved’s things and hide them in the room outfitted for your date. Slip a heart-shaped card in his locker covered in sweet nothings and information on where to find his stuff. Keep it cool though, like you just accidentally stumbled upon his things and didn’t actually hide them yourself.
Step 6: Wait for your crush to show up. When he enters the room, have a friend lock the door so he can’t leave.
Step 7: Light the candles, avoid the mops, break out the chocolate-covered strawberries, and enjoy your hard-earned date with your new love. Instagram the occasion for posterity.
Bonus: Have your friend unlock the door and hope your sweetie pie won’t press charges.
*This is not actually science.
Who would you love to trick into being your Valentine?