You're going on a school trip or family vacay to the Rockies! BUT, should you rent a snowboard or skis? Is snowboarding cooler? Is skiing more difficult? (Yes and yes.) More importantly, which one allows you to zoom around shamelessly with a portable boot heater all day? We dive into the pros and cons:
- Snowboarding has tastier tricks (on the menu: a pop tart, chicken salad, or beef carpaccio).
- Skiing has tastier instructor names (if you like Hans-on lessons).
- Skiing has tight pants and isn’t afraid to show it.
- Snowboarding has its butt hanging out, and isn't afraid to show it.
- Famous snowboarders include Cameron Diaz, Sean White, and unsuspecting patio furniture.
- Famous skiers include Kate Hudson, Robert Redford, and Robert Redford's Dale of Norway sweater.
- Ski boots have rear entry, aka, hello, a FIRE ESCAPE for the hottest skiers.
- It's easier to ride a T-bar on skis. It's easier to not knacker yourself in the terrain park on a snowboard.
- Snowboarders spend half their day sitting on their butts in the snow. Skiers spend half their day in turtlenecks.
- A popular snowboarding maneuver is the “scorpion,” where you fall forward on your stomach and hit yourself in the back of the head with your own snowboard.
- A popular skiing maneuver is the "Arizonan," where an out-of-towner is burned to a crisp red between the goggles and hat by the sun.
- Skier right-of-way implies that you give way to anyone in front of you.
- Snowboard right-of-way implies that you are King Right, and you are boarding down King’s Way.
- Snowboarding is a sister sport to surfing.
- Skiing is a sister sport to fondue eating.
- Skiing is old, like pickles.
- Snowboarding is new, like cucumbers.
- Snowboard boots are more comfy than ski boots.
- Snowboarders will never forgive you for wearing a portable boot heater. (Skiers will be able to tell you the best model.)
- Snowboards can be awkward on chairlifts.
- Skis can be awkward in family photos.
- Snowboarders can become confused by "Tips up!" signs on chairlifts (because WHICH TIP?!)
- Skiers can become confused by "black run" signs (because I HAVEN’T EARNED MY BLACK BELT YET!)
- Snowboarders shred.
- Skiers boop-de-boop.
- Skiers have POLES.
- Snowboarders don't have POLES, yo.
- Skiing is NEONNEONNEONNEONNEONNEON!
- Snowboarding is...
P L A I D
L A I D P
A I D P L
I D P L A
D P L A I
- But turkey chilli tastes just as good whether you’re a skier or snowboarder.
And the winner is …
SKIING! If you don’t like your knees very much.
SNOWBOARDING! If you think butts should hang free.
What is the word on the great ski divide, Sparklers?
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