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February Horoscopes

By Jon_Skindzier Feb 1, 2013

1 of 13

Ah, February. The month of the Valentimes, a holiday about a naked baby who is also a criminal, and who shoots human beings with a lethal weapon until they are forced to procreate. It is perhaps the worst holiday we have. If you tried to describe this holiday to a pair of visiting aliens, they would glance at each other, back away slowly toward their spaceship, and leave Earth to its own devices. If you tried to describe it to a naked baby, the baby would probably have no opinion. But we're stuck with it, in any case, so here are your extremely accurate Februaryscopes.

Topics: Life
Tags: valentine's day, love, horoscopes, slideshows, predictions, funny things, february

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