7 Things You Shouldn't Learn on YouTube
YouTube is good for many things. Nostalgia-views of your favorite music videos from the sixth grade, life-changing footage of piglets being raised by a sheepdog, tutorials on creating the perfect smoky eye. But there's a limit to how much a sweaty stranger in possession of a webcam should be allowed to teach you. Here are some of the weirdest and worst things to learn from a four-minute video uploaded by Mr.Nacho1998:
1. How to wrestle an alligator. "Step 1: Get in with them." And just make sure to read the second part of step one, "Start out small," before jumping directly onto a bull alligator's back.
2. How to give yourself stitches. DON'T CLICK. DO NOT CLICK. Did you click?...we're sorry.
3. How to decorate your cat for Christmas. A. Wrap cat in buttload of tinsel. B. Bury cat in pile of ornaments. C. Pour fake snow directly into cat's eyes. D. Sleep with one eye open, because cat is coming for you.
4. How to propose. Don't do it while your terrible girlfriend is watching Lost. Make sure she's standing over a sink so she can do a spit take. If you do it with a Ring Pop, make sure there are no sword-shaped items nearby. Also, don't let her know you watched a video tutorial on proposals, doofus.
5. How to deliver a baby in a car. Not that we're squeamish and terrified, HAHA NO WAY, but we're still not linking to this video. We're just welcoming you to Google it, to confirm that it exists.
6. How to hypnotize yourself. What if you go under so deeply that you can't get out again? And are unable to watch the antidote video we're creating right now to avoid just such a tragedy?! Irresponsible, YouTube.
7. How to build a jet engine. Whoa. Jet-bicycle. This guy tries to be responsible, recommending you pause on the slide that explains turbocharging, but we still think this is a little over the heads of your average YouTube user. Are you eating a Pop-Tart while watching this video? Do you have one or more Cuteoverload tabs open on your computer right now? Did you also recently search for "How to make a Ninja star"? You are not ready to build a jet engine.
You ARE ready to build a jet engine! Just kidding, you're not. What's the weirdest thing you've ever seen on YouTube?