How do you know you’ve entered the boredom vortex? Well, there are the biological signs: glassy eyes, slack jaw, orange-coated fingers from that entire bag of Doritos you didn’t even know you were eating. But the signs you really need to pay attention to are the thoughts that rise to the surface of your brain.
Sure, we’re all normal now. But the minute your conscious mind shuts down and you enter the vortex, who KNOWS what kind of madness could leak out of your mind? Maybe it’s casual cannibalism, maybe it’s a passion for jump-style dancing, or maybe it’s the pitch for "Extreme Infants," TLC’s next horrible reality show that you just made up. The point is, your brain can be a weird place when it’s left unattended. Here are 21 examples that we probably maybe haven't ever thought to ourselves:
1. Would anyone even miss me?
One second you’re flipping channels and then suddenly, you’re planning your Titanic-themed funeral.
2. Is this real life?
You’ve been staring into nothing so long that when you snap back to reality, things look… fake. You bored yourself into a different plane of reality. Are there centaurs? If not, you lose.
3. Oh, yes I can!
No, you CAN'T cut the back of your hair. You also can't wax your eyebrows at home or teach yourself to play jazz sax.
4. Parents sound like fun.
They're going to The Outback tonight with their friends. They want to talk about life insurance and Michael Buble. You aren't part of that equation.
5. Well, someone has to change this internet troll's mind, and it might as well be me!
You can’t make XxWiggityWackaFlockaXx believe in dinosaurs or Kwanzaa or space travel, trust us.
6. There must be a deeper meaning hidden in Bruno Mars' songs.
Spoiler alert: there isn't one.
7. Nicole Kidman would be a great person to chat to over Monopoly.
In your already-bored state, even boring activities and people seem exciting!
8. How weird is the word “chair”? THINK about it.
And then you say it over and over again until it stops forming pictures in your mind and it feels fake.
9. Whatever happened to those people who played Lizzie McGuire’s parents?
Well, they’d probably be flattered to know you thought of them.
10. Yes, I DO need that!
A knife that can saw through a soda can? How many soda cans would you need to mutilate before you realize you don’t need half a soda can? Probably one.
11. What would I do if someone came over and told me I’d been switched at birth like right now?
Your real parents aren’t royalty or kindly circus folk. They're just two people who are trying to go to The Outback with their friends, will you leave them alone already?!
12. The whole world needs to see me whistle “Moves Like Jagger.”
Step away from the webcam and the YouTube uploader.
13. Wow, my impression of Christopher Walken is really, really good!
If it is, we want to be your friend. If it's not, keep practicing. You'll get there.
14. Playing the steel drums sounds like a secure career path for me.
Unless you want to work at a Sandals beach resort for all time … actually, maybe you do. We don't know your life.
15. Sheets make awesome homemade parachutes!
This hypothesis will not pan out.
16. Today's the day I teach my terrier how to talk.
It could be the day, but then again, it's probably not.
17. I wonder what Wikipedia has to say about every episode of Doctor Who?
You know what? This might actually be a productive way to spend your bored time.
18. I wonder what Wikipedia has to say about every episode of The Real Housewives series?
Probably not a good way to spend your bored time. But no judgment.
19. Bet I can peel 100 grapes in under 12 minutes!
Weird, but it's a challenge we can get behind.
20. Ladle, ladle, ladle, ladle, ladle, ladle, ladle, ladle, ladle, ladle, ladle, ladle, ladle, ladle, ladle, ladle ladle, ladle, ladle, ladle, ladle, ladle.
You must break the cycle! Your brain will go on like this forever if you don’t.
21. I’m going to go try on all my clothes.
Now, this is the way to be bored out of your mind. Go on now, go try on your clothes and see what you don’t like and what new outfit combinations you can make! Am I the only one who likes this? It’s so fun! Oh god, what's happening to me!?!
What do you think about when you're insanely bored?