Skip over navigation

Terrible Lines for Breaking Up with Someone

Terrible Lines for Breaking Up with Someone

By RG Daniels

1. Your breath is like an onion field that got set on fire and put out with spoiled milk.

2. Pop quiz: Who is getting dumped right now?

3. We're a terrible couple—like peanut butter and petroleum jelly.

4. This relationship is like an episode of The Big Bang Theory: only a couple of jokes are funny and at least one person is awkward all the time.

5. Dating you has been like joining a cult, except when I was in a cult I felt connected to someone.

6. I'm cheating on you. Wait! I meant, I don’t like you.

7. I'm sorry, but you're just not tall enough for me. I kinda like going on the rides…

8. Look at it this way: the heart has four chambers. At most, I'm only breaking one. You have three more chances to find someone who likes you!

9. This just isn't working out. I thought I'd like being with another geek until I realized I'm not one.

10. Loving you is like a delicious, red apple. And I'm allergic to apples.

11. You – Me = Zero.

12. Honestly, I thought the world would end last December 21st. I'm surprised humanity made it this far, but this relationship has not.

13. You're like trigonometry: hard to figure out and completely unnecessary.

14. I get the feeling my parents set us up to torture me into being a better person.

15. If our relationship were a period in history, it'd be The Great Depression.

16. It's not you, it's me. And by that I mean me dumping you.

17. Game over.

Topics: Life
Tags: breakups, dating, horrible things, lists

Write your own comment!

OR

About the Author
RG Daniels

RG Daniels is a writer living in Brooklyn, NY. He likes ‘90s one-hit wonders, breakfast for dinner, and koala bears. He is currently on Level 163 in Candy Crush.

Wanna contact a writer or editor? Email contribute@sparknotes.com.