Sometimes a high five can feel right, but sometimes it can feel so wrong. Nobody should assume that you're in the mood to high five at any given moment in the day. Yet nobody ever asks your permission to high five! They just throw their hand up and expect you to reciprocate! And that's the problem. They expect it. Here are twenty ways to say "thanks, but no thanks" if you're not feeling the high five vibes.
1. There's something in my pockets! There's something in my pockets! Must retrieve! Must retrieve!
2. I'm sorry, but my great grandfather was killed by a particularly robust high five years ago, and I'm still pretty traumatized over it.
3. I'd love to but I just high-fived my florist this morning and I'm pooped.
4. I don't think you want to do that, my hands are still wet from putting my hands in my locker. What?
5. I’d love to but I’d have to talk to my lawyer first.
6. As much as I’d love to enter into a high-five interaction with you, I woke up late this morning and I just don’t have the time.
7. In my culture high fiving someone means you have to get married to them, and I don’t think I’m ready to take that step with you.
8. Sorry, I’m afraid of heights.
9. Sorry, I haven’t high fived anyone in years and I’m afraid my skills are a little rusty.
10. Woah, woah, woah. This relationship is moving entirely too fast.
11. No thanks. I’m allergic to gluten.
12. I’m swamped right now. Can we do this at 4:30 on the 27th?
13. Sorry, but I’m kind of anti-violence.
14. I pulled a muscle earlier and I don’t think I’m up to the physical requirements of a high five.
15. It is definitely not What Jesus Would Do.
16. My boyfriend/girlfriend gets really jealous of that sort of thing.
17. No offense, but I’ve seen how you high five and I just can’t stoop to that level.
18. As a Jainist, that goes against my beliefs.
19. I’d love to, thanks! (While your fingers are inserted in your nostrils.)
What do you do when someone offers you a high five but you aren't in the mood?